So much for that...

Hello bloggers! So, many of you may remember that, in my last post, I said TTC was on the back burner. Well apparently it was too late for that or the good Lord above is trying to tell us something.


For the last 3 days, I have felt like complete crap and exhaustion has overcome me. So last night, after some pleading from Curtis, I decided I would test, even though I swore I wouldn't until I felt a baby kick (lol). Unfortunately, all I had was a digi... he persisted so I gave in and said fine but it will probably be negative.



Boy, was I WRONG. Most of the time, digi's take a few minutes to read... not mine. Took about 30-45 seconds. Seeing that one word pop up in the little window was one of the most shocking moments ever. I literally said "Oh.My.Fucking.God" and Curtis rolled over and said "What?." I shoved the stick in his face, he looked at it, kissed me and said "call the dr." and went back to sleep. How romantic, right?



As for symptoms: nausea, complete exhaustion, super sore boobs and one hellacious YI that WILL NOT go away! And the smell of pee makes me gag... awesome.



So here it is... the first of what I hope to be many more baby pictures:

Yup, I fail..

At blogging that is. It has been over a month... WTH is that? I plan to keep this short but I will probably ramble, as always.

So, I survived my trip to TX, we are moved and I love the new house (except for the invincible mouse that has moved in with us - I swear he will NOT die! EEWWW). Things have not been so hot between Curtis and I lately but we are trying to fix it. It's a rough road to be on; I just pray we can find a common ground.

That being said, TTC is definitely on the back burner. I've even given thought to going back on BCP until our relationship issues are solved. Ugh it just frustrates me so much... I hate this feeling but I have to do something about it.

Wish me luck. I'm probably going to need it.

Ahhh, Sunday, I love you!

Finally. One day to just relax and do nothing, not go anywhere and see no one. After the week I've had, I welcome this day! Normally, I would be going insane not doing anything, but ot today.

Last week I ran like crazy (paying bills, helping with the new house, working). Friday night I had a party, what we like to call a "Ladies Night Out." There was a consultant from Premiere Jewelry, Mary Kay, and me with Pampered Chef. It was a very interesting and fun experience! Saturday, I worked a booth to promote my business at a community event (lots of vendor booths, food, music and games for kids), then Curtis and I walked around and enjoyed the event afterwards. We had a lot of fun and it was great business opportunity for me! I managed to book 5 Cooking Shows and I have 1 possible recruit!

Everything is going really well and I'm loving it. I'm also loving one day to spend with just my husband, who has been working so hard!

TTC: I have no idea what my body is doing. Apparently I've ovulated (9dpo today) but for some reason I just have this feeling... I'm sure it is all in my head and wishful thinking, but I guess we will find out in the next couple days. I'm ready to travel a new road...

Overwhelmed!

That's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. I have 9 days til my trip to Texas and 14 days until we move into our house. The house is a disaster, I haven't packed a thing and I have a ton of work to do. I'm excited to actually have something to do but I've just overbooked myself this month, between Cooking Shows and all the stuff in my personal life. I think I just need to better manage my time over the next couple weeks!

TTC Update: I had my annual exam yesterday and the doc suggested that we try Clomid for a few cycles to see if that helps. I am a little leery about this because since it's an OB office, they don't do any monitoring for Clomid cycles and that worries me a little bit, with the risks of Clomid. However, it's our only option for help since our new insurance covers NO IF treatments or meds. If we don't do this, we just keep trying on our own, charting and the trusty CBEFM. I haven't decided yet what to do... I'm going to think it over through this cycle and do some more research.

Everything is going pretty well... much more smoothly these days. I'm just ready to get through these next 2 weeks so I don't feel so overwhelmed!

What a weekend!

This weekend has been insane and it's only Saturday night. We have had a lot of fun but everyone is worn out. Yesterday Curtis and I ran some errands and went birthday shopping for Clay (who turns 8 tomorrow) then we picked the boys up from their mom. From there, we went straight to the County Fair... 5 hours and a small fortune later, we were all faired out.

Today was Clay's birthday party so again, lots more running. He had a great party, got a lot of new toys and clothes (which he wasn't real thrilled about lol).

Curtis has to go back to work tomorrow and the kids go back to their moms, which means it's time for me to clean house and start packing. Big fun!

Here are a few pics from the weekend:

Clay at the fair

Alex at the fair

Clay riding a pony

Me and my Aunt Tiffany

Clay's birthday party

Well, that looks much better!

First, I owe a HUGE thank-you to the ladies who helped me with blog remodel. It looks so much better!! Maybe, just maybe, this revamp will help me be a better poster! Be sure to check out all the new features and grab my button!

So... here's what's new with us. I have been VERY busy with my new business (that's the way I like it!) and I still say I LOVE The Pampered Chef! I am gettings tons of free products and having a blast meeting new people. Tomorrow, I will be working a booth at the county fair so hopefully I can get some new contacts and fill in some more dates on my already full calendar!

We move into our new house on October 5th and I am sooo excited! If only I could find the time to pack between birthday parties, Cooking Shows, and a trip to Texas coming up. I should be fine though... after this week, I'll be packing during the week and working weekends.

Clay turns 8 on Sunday, which just seems insane to me. He was 3 when Curtis and I met and has grown so much. We are having his party on Saturday so that should be fun :)

Curtis is still enjoying his job, though he's exhausted! We are getting in a pretty good routine and things are going really well. The company even paid for us to have dinner at a Hibachi grill tonight! It was us, about 12 other roughnecks, 1 other woman and a baby... I'm glad I didn't have to pick up that tab! lol

Ok well it's bedtime! Early day tomorrow... sorry this was so long! Once I become a better blogger, I will have less to update at once! Much love!

Please excuse the mess...

My blog is under reconstruction, so please excuse the mess while I figure this stuff out!

An update, of sorts...

It's been a little while since my last post but I have had A LOT going on. Shortly after my last post, I was in an accident that totaled my car. I am/was ok - just pretty shaken up... it was 100% the other persons fault. He pulled out in front of me on the highway. He completely admitted fault, his insurance paid and I got a new car. A 2004 Toyota Sequoia and I LOVE it... it's awesome.

Curtis has also started his new job and seems to really be loving it but we will see how long that lasts once he starts working 12-20 hours days. We are currently out of town for some work training... the company is paying for me to take a vacation and for him to take classes necessary to his job. We are staying in a really nice hotel for the week and I am loving the peace and quiet.

The boys have gone back to live with their mother... unfortunately :(. We were trying to keep this from happening but there wasn't much we could do at the time so we just decided to go with it rather than making the kids miserable by fighting with their mom. So we are getting all our ducks in a row then we will get them back.

I am also feeling much better, so I'm guessing the meds are working. We are looking into moving into a bigger house in the next month or so... I'm very hopeful and ready to move. However, if we move now, we will continue to TTC on our own until after the first of the year, then I will go back to the RE. We just don't want to dive into too much at once.

I also recently became a Pampered Chef consultant and I am LOVING that... such awesome products and a great opportunity to meet new people. Well I guess that's all I've got this time... so until later, much love to all my readers!

Getting somewhere...

Wow it has been one hell of a week!

We finally decided it's time for me to get some help with this depression and anxiety I've been battling for the last few years. It was getting out of control. The symptoms first arose when my 14 month old cousin passed away... but I found other ways to deal. Then again when my Papaw died in 2005... I dealt with alcohol and WAY to much partying. The symptoms and overall worthless feelings have come and gone over the years but I've always been able to handle it on my own, one way or another. Then came moving, stress of not having a job, my stepsons unexpectedly moving in with us (not that I don't want them, because I do LOVE having them here), but I think the icing on the cake was losing our little one... that awful m/c in April. Since then, I've had my good days and my bad days but the bad FAR outweigh the good.

I started having more bad days and it was extremely hard for me to deal with it on my own. My husband, bless his heart, has tried everything in his arsenal to make me feel better but nothing seemed to be working and we were all very thankful for the few good days that came along. But, I was beginning to take out my agression on the children (never physically), and my husband, and everyone around us for that matter. I would just snap at every little thing and be pissed off for no reason or crying. Not cool... but I didn't know how to deal with it. I felt completely out of control of my own emotions.

So, I saw my awesome doctor on Wednesday and he was very understanding and willing to help. And scolded me for waiting so long to get help. We are trying Lexapro for the next 2 weeks to see how I do with it, then I go in for a follow-up. He also gave me a script for Xanax to help ease the anxiety.

2 days on the meds and I'm already starting to feel a little better. Overall today, I was in a pretty good mood but I also feel kinda blah so we will see how the next couple weeks go. I was scared to admit I needed help and my pride wouldn't let me ask for it, until I saw what it was doing to my most intimate relationships... I couldn't let that happen.

On a positive note, Curtis was offered a job today with an awesome company, pending a drug test, physical, and background check. He should start August 2nd... the company offers Day 1 benefits, which means I will finally be able to go back to the RE and get this ball rolling... again.

Sorry this turned out so long and thanks for reading!

Really, Ute?!

So excuse my complete bitch/whine-fest.

This has been one of the worst cycles ever. We had that false positive on Father's Day then BFNs after that... Fast forward to today. CD55 and still no AF so I tested again... BFFN. And NO sign of AF... other than breaking out like a teenager, which is so not normal Pre-AF for me but then again what is normal for me? Honestly, I don't know how much more of this shit I can take. We have been trying for over 3 years now with 2 miscarriages and a whole shit-ton of BFNs...

Couple this with not being able to find a job and I feel like I have FAILURE tattooed across my forehead. I feel empty.

AND we found out this past weekend that in a couple weeks, the boys will be going back to live with their mother. Awesome. There isn't really anything we can do about it at this point... Yet another reason why I feel like a failure.

Ok I'm done... you were warned and if you made it all the way through that, thank you.

We need more space!!

Once upon a time, there were only 2 Poulnotts living under one roof and we didn't need much space. Now there are 4. We NEED more space... this house is just not cutting it for the 4 (and someday 5) of us. So we have been on a mission. And it looks like we will be getting our bigger house soon... It's a 3 bedroom, 1 bath (my biggest problem with it) house with a shop AND shed. So, we should know more by the end of the week on our moving status.

I was introduced to this AMAZING craft blog (www.makeit-loveit.com) and now have a huge crafting itch. I have a few projects in mind, thanks to this awesome site with very easy to follow tutorials :)

I don't have much else to update these days... AF still hasn't shown so IDK what's going on there. Until next time...

Promises, Promises

Yes, I know... when I posted back in April I "promised" to post more often. I failed. Well, for those still following me, here I am. And I really will try to get back in the hang of this blogging business. As you can see, my blog has a new look. I got a little festive with the 4th coming up and all.

Ok. Enough of that. Time for an update...

Actually, there isn't really much to update you on. TTC is still on the move. We had a false positive on Father's Day, which sucked, but what can ya do? Things have been pretty stressful around here but that's life, I suppose.

Well I guess it's bedtime. Stick with me... I swear, I will try to be better about updating this thing. Goodnight!

And we're back...

Hello bloggers! How's it goin? Wow it's been a LONG time since I've done this so I'll try to keep it short and sweet.

I finished school in February with honors (3.94 GPA - because I slacked during my last class) and am now in Arkansas still looking for a job. Job searching is VERY stressful! Curtis has gone to school to get his CDL and has about 2 weeks left on that so WOOHOO!

We now have custody of the boys so that has been a HUGE adjustment for all of us but everyone is taking it pretty well. I LOVE having them... they are so much fun, but it can get a little hectic at times.

As far as TTC goes, most of you know that when we got ready to move, we took a break from all treaments until we were stable up here. Well, on March 30th I took a test on a whim because I had not seen AF since Feb. 5th. I was completely expecting a BFN, as usual, so you can imagine my surprise when that second pretty lil pink line showed up. We were ecstatic.... that is until the bleeding began. On Saturday, April 3rd, I started bleeding and was kinda freaked out so we decided to go to the ER for some peace of mind until I could get in to see the Doc. We found out my HCG was only at 35 and there was no baby or sac on the U/S. I went to the doctor on Monday and Wednesday for confirmation and my HCG had dropped to 23 and 16, respectively. We were (and are) completely devastated but all we can do is keep trying. Someday we will get our miracle.

Alright well I've got kids to get off the bus so until next time... (which I promise, won't be as long!!)