Life As We Know It

Changes are coming

2012-01-29T18:00:00.001-06:00

Stay tuned excuse the mess while I get things figured out!

Bottle strike

2012-01-27T23:41:00.001-06:00

My child has never had an issue switching from breast to bottle. He's never complained about taking a bottle, never cared what kind of nipple was going in his mouth. Well I guess he likes to keep Mommy on her toes because that all changed last week. After him being sick, my supply was tanking badly so we had to start supplementing with formula... no big deal. He was getting 4-6oz of formula a day and nursing the rest. Then suddenly, after he had already downed one can of formula (a small sample size can), he decided it was no good. Now, if you come at him with a bottle, he will push it away, close his mouth, turn his head and scream like you are torturing him. Thankfully, I've been able to get my supply back up some so he's not starving but I really wish he would take a bottle again so mommy could have a little break sometimes. Maybe he will change his mind soon. Hopefully.

His 6 month appointment was supposed to be on Tuesday (1-31) but we took him in on Monday to have his ears rechecked from the infection, so they went ahead and did his well-baby check-up. He is now 16lbs, 8oz and 25" long. His left ear is (was) still slightly infected so he got some different antibiotics and he got 4 shots. The dr was a little concerned about his weight gain (or lack thereof) but I really think it has to do with him being sick. Needless to say, this week has been hell between the shots, teething and bottle strike. Oh and he hates purees.

He thinks the paper on the exam table is the coolest thing ever!

We have had some good news this week though. Great news, actually. Curtis had an interview on Monday and they offered him the job on the spot! :) YAYAYAYAY!!! It will be weird at first because we have gotten used to having him home but it will be ok... we needed it!!

And a little more good news... I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!!!! Huge congrats to my brother and his fiance! I am so excited for yall!!!

Oh and keep an eye out... there is a very good possibility Zachary will be getting his own blog.

Half a year

2012-01-20T23:45:00.001-06:00

That's how long it has been since I gave birth to the most amazing little boy ever. I seriously could not imagine my life without him. He brings us so much joy each and every day.

He celebrated in a big way today. It was his first time sitting in a high chair at a restaurant like a big boy, followed by a shopping cart at Walmart.

But the biggest event of all came tonight...The transition to his very own bed! He has done so well already. I put him down and patted his butt and rubbed his head while he fought sleep pretty hard. Then it dawned on me that he's used to sleeping with a fan on in our room, so I moved the fan to his room and he went RIGHT to sleep. He woke up once about an hour and a half later for his paci and went right back to sleep. I was even able to steal my fan back (he's not the only one used to sleeping with it on) and he didn't wake up.

It is weird for me though. For the last 6 months, he has slept in his RnP right next to me or in bed with me. He's just getting too big entirely too fast.

Out with the old

2012-01-05T00:46:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year. Bloggers! I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas with your families and friends!

It has been CRAZY around here... Clay and Alex were here for almost 2 weeks, which was awesome except for Clay being sick for most of it. They got here on Wednesday before Christmas and by Friday, he was throwing up, running fever... the poor kid just looked like death. He was sick like that all through Christmas and finally started feeling better a day or 2 after. Now Zachary is getting over RSV and a double ear infection. He started feeling yucky last Friday and by Monday, we were at the doctor. Now we are doing breathing treatments at home and antibiotics... my poor little guy has been such a trooper. Even as crappy as he feels, he's still happy (though, clingy) and playful. He's taking his breathing treatments like a champ... he hardly fusses during them.

We had a great Christmas and the kids were spoiled rotten by Santa and the grandparents... we are very blessed to having such loving families! I haven't quite figured out what Zac's favorite present was though... he is fascinated by his new toys!

My baby boy is now just over 5 months old and weighs 15 pounds. We are just starting to introduce solids but this week has been hard because he's been sick. It's all I can do to get him to nurse with his ears being infected and my supply is taking a hit :( I'm just thankful I had a freezer stash to fall back on.

Alrighty... I can barely hold my eyes open anymore! Goodnight friends!

The Christmas spirit

2011-12-18T01:35:00.001-06:00

Is definitely alive in this house!

About 2 weeks ago, I received a text message from "Santa" saying Zachary would be receiving a gift in the mail. I was very puzzled but went with it (even though in the back of my mind, I was questioning the safety of this mystery gift). Much to my surprise, "Santa" was actually a very generous mom from my online moms group. Zachary opened his gift today and it was the cutest little screen printed onesie.

Earlier in the week, he received another pretty awesome gift - a leap frog octopus that sings and counts from my awesome labor buddy and her daughter (also from my online mom group). People are so incredibly generous!

Curtis and I have spent most of the week working on Christmas crafts. I made our stockings, a snowman onesie for Zac, and a card tree. We also made a makeshift mantle for or stockings to hang from. It has been a busy week!

My MIL and SIL are also in town for Christmas... It's the first time they have met Zac. MIL and I don't get along very well (that's a whole other post) so I'm really hoping there is no drama this week.

Clay and Alex will be here on Thursday and I cannot wait... This will be our first Christmas with them, as well as Zachary's first Christmas! Soooo exciting! I love Christmas time!!

Weekend recap

2011-12-12T00:19:00.001-06:00

Nothing too exciting around here this weekend... That is, of course, if you don't think a baby rolling over for the first time is exciting ;) Best part? We caught it on video! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAqaEAnz0Ds&feature=youtube_gdata_player)

He has been so stubborn about this but he finally rolled yesterday afternoon from back to belly. He still won't roll belly to back... He just gets mad and screams.

I did finally get all my Christmas cards addressed tonight... I swear, I send more and more cards out every year!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-07T23:23:00.001-06:00

Shots and Snow

2011-12-06T23:59:00.001-06:00

That has been my day.

Zachary had his 4 month check up today and he did SO well! I love after lunch appointments... it went so fast! He weighs 14lbs, 2oz and is 24.5" long. He didn't even flinch with the first shot and didn't cry with the second until after she was done... I think she just hurt his feelings more than hurt him. Poor baby :(

Shortly after we got home, Curtis called and said for us to stay home because the snow was coming. I looked outside and thought he was making it up but sure enough, about 10 minutes later, it started sleeting. I got all excited for Zachary's first snow (not that he will remember) then it snowed for about 5 minutes. I was disappointed.

About 11pm, we started getting BIG flurries and they were/are falling FAST! But of course, Zac was already in bed :(

I can't wait to see what we wake up to in the morning!

I need a boat

2011-12-05T10:21:00.001-06:00

If we get much more rain, that'll be the only way I'm able to leave my house. It has rained nonstop for 2 days!

Yesterday was a horribly, craptastic day between a cranky teething baby and a cranky sleepy mama. He fussed all day and my counter got a breastmilk bath... I just love wasting that stuff. But, today has already been a much better day - even with all the rain!

Zachary went to his first Christmas parade on Saturday... He loved all the bright lights until he passed out at the end. He missed Santa :(

Nom, nom, nom

2011-11-29T00:33:00.000-06:00

Cereal is YUMMY! We gave Zachary rice cereal for the first time tonight (I know I said I was going to wait a couple weeks but he seemed ready so we tried it). He did really well... he started yelling at me because I wasn't feeding him fast enough!

I tried to add the video but it wouldn't let me :(

Santa Claus is coming...

2011-11-28T00:00:00.001-06:00

Say WHAT?! Christmas is less than a month away?! You have got to be kidding me!

These last 4 months have FLOWN! I can't believe my sweet baby is already 4 months old... time really does go too fast. He is getting so big and is so much fun. I'm so amazed by him each and every day!

He is still being lazy and REFUSES to roll all the way over. I put him on his tummy and he gets insanely mad at me and just buries his head in the blanket and screams. I put him on his back and he will roll to his side and turn himself in a complete circle but you can forget that belly business. He hates it.

He LOVES to sit up though... we use the Bumbo a LOT. He loves to sit and watch me do various things (get ready, do dishes, sew) and play with his toys. He smiles constantly but he is very greedy with his laughs... Getting a laugh out of this child is like trying to break into Fort Knox but it is the cutest thing ever when he actually does it.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with our families and ate way too much, as usual. Zachary even got to try a little sweet potato :) other than little tastes here and there, he is still strictly on BM and that is working perfectly for us. I am planning to introduce cereal in the next couple weeks for spoon practice then on to homemade purees around or shortly after Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, we got our tree up yesterday and little man LOVES all the lights! We've also put a pretty big dent in our shopping, which is a huge relief since we usually wait til the last minute! And I'm so excited because we will have my stepsons for Christmas this year! It should be a ton of fun and I can't wait.

Unfortunately, that's all I've got for now since my child is refusing to sleep tonight.

I'm a bad, bad blogger

2011-10-20T09:55:00.001-05:00

But blogger finally has an iPhone app! Finding the time to sit down at the computer and blog is very difficult these days!!

So it has been a month since I was here last. Zachary is 3 months old today! He had his first round of shots on Monday... Not fun. He is now 12lbs, 5oz and 23.5" long! We moved into size 2 diapers this morning... He is getting big way to fast!

He is in a mood this morning too... He only wants his daddy. I bet he changes his mind when he gets hungry!

Has it been 7 weeks already?!

2011-09-06T22:54:00.004-05:00

Indeed it has. My little man is getting so big!! He is such a good baby, too. We had a rough start with breastfeeding but after some help from a lactation consultant, he is a pro. I was really unsure about it before he came but now that we've been doing it for almost 2 months, I LOVE breastfeeding and I'm so glad I chose this path for us.

I love everything about being a Mommy... it has absolutely changed me and I think for the better. I am so grateful for this amazing blessing.

It's almost time for his 2 month shots and I'm so not looking forward to that! I had my 6 week PP check-up last week and am only 10 pounds from pre-baby weight. I feel great... no depression (I had issues with it before I got pregnant) but I do have some occasional anxiety, which was also a pre-preg issue, but I'm choosing to deal with it on my own for now since I'm BFing. I'm also not on BC for now because I'm scared it will dry up my milk... we are going to use alternative methods of BC until I'm done breastfeeding.

Life is good and I'm finally starting to get into a routine and figuring out how to do things (like blogging) while taking care of a baby. It's all a big balancing act.

Photo Card

2011-08-24T13:58:00.001-05:00

Clever Cadence Blue Baby Announcements

Turn your favorite photo into a birth announcement.

View the entire collection of cards.

He's here!!!!

2011-07-27T22:31:00.002-05:00

It has taken me a week to get around to getting on the computer but Zachary Lee is here! He was born last Wednesday, 7/20/2011 at 7:33pm. He weighed 6lbs, 5oz and was 19.5in long. He is absolutely perfect... I am so incredibly in love with this little man! We got to come home on Friday and he has done wonderfully since we've been home, other than he won't latch so we are exclusively pumping now but I'm just glad he can still get breast milk for as long as possible.

The birth story:

On Tuesday (7/19), I started having contractions around 6pm. They were pretty consistent (about 6-7 minutes apart) and kept getting stronger and closer together as the night went on. About 11pm, Curtis and I decided to head to L&D to see what was going on. They hooked me up to the machine and monitored me for about an hour... I was definitely having regular contractions but my cervix still wasn't making any progress. The nurse called my dr and he said since I was already 5 days over due, to go ahead and keep me, give me some pain meds and he would be in the next morning to start an induction.

The pain meds didn't do anything... I was up all night have contractions that just got stronger and stronger but my cervix still didn't budge from 1cm. The OB came in at about 9:30am and inserted a Foley bulb catheter (for those that don't know, its a catheter that goes into your cervix. The balloon is blown up with saline and sits on top of the cervix. A bag of fluid was attached to the other end of the cath with a rubber band and basically anytime I moved it would pull the balloon a little further down, dilating my cervix.) He said once the cath came out, I would be dilated between 3&4cm and they would break my water and start pitocin.

The catheter lasted 2 hours. Once it came out, I was checked and was dilated to 4cm. The dr came in about 12:30 and broke my water and said they would wait an hour or so to start the pitocin. By 1, my contractions were so intense, I could barely breathe and was begging for an epidural. As soon as the epidural was in, I started to feel relief and told the anesthesiologist I loved him (lol). After that, I was able to just relax and enjoy my company (I had a room full of people already) and never really felt anymore contractions, other than some slight pressure now and then and I couldn't feel my legs at all.

I made good progress from there and by 5pm, I was dilated to 8cm. Only problem was, we were still waiting on my dad to make it in from TX and he was about 1.5 hours away still. They checked me again at 6 and I was fully dilated and ready to push... The nurse said we would wait until 6:30 to start pushing to give my dad a chance to make it. At 6:15, my dad was in a wreck (he is fine, thankfully) so we knew we were going to have to start pushing. At 7pm, I started pushing. By 7:15, his head was almost out and we were waiting on the dr. While we waited, I was able to reach down and feel Zachary's head as it was coming out. The OB finally came in and I pushed a couple more times and delivered by sweet baby boy at 7:33pm.

I only had a couple very small tears, which I am recovering from well. I never imagined delivery would be so easy... only problem was, after delivery, they took away my epi immediately and I could've used it while they pumped me full of 2 more bags of pitocin since I had some pretty bad gushing afterwards... that was painful.

Zachary was a little jaundiced when we left the hospital but it's almost completely gone now. I took him to the pedi yesterday and he weighed 6lbs, 8oz and was 20in long. I can't believe he is a week old already!

More pics are here: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.818788274958.2281169.38705820&l=05be84fff4&type=1

Still no baby.

2011-07-16T13:50:00.002-05:00

I think he wants to stay in there forever. I am not a happy mama right now. I went back to the dr on Thursday, which was also my EDD and had still not made any progress. I cried for over an hour... especially after he said if I don't go on my own, it will be another 2 weeks before he will induce me. I think he hates me. So here I am... hot, miserable, cranky and over-due.

Then my grandma, who is a nurse at the hospital where I will be delivering (the only hospital for an hour), calls this morning to tell me to cross my legs and not let him come out. Why? Apparently everyone else is having babies and the L&D unit is over capacity... 16 beds and 17 new babies. Awesome.

No pics this week... I'm too lazy.

Will it be this week?

2011-07-11T11:50:00.003-05:00

Doubtful. 39 weeks, 4 days and he refuses to come out.

I saw the OB last Wednesday and had made NO progress so he was kind enough to strip my membranes and I will say that hurt like hell. It was at that moment that I decided drugs would definitely be necessary to endure childbirth. I was extremely crampy for the next few days then early Saturday morning, I started having regular contractions. Every 5 minutes for 5 hours so I finally decided to head to L&D. Yet again, I had made no progress. They gave me something for pain and sent me on my way.

I want a new cervix. This one doesn't work!

I'm really starting to get scared that my cervix won't cooperate and I will have to have a c-section. I really hope that isn't the case but I guess we will see. Thursday is my EDD and I go back to the dr that day so we will see what he says.

How far along?:39w4d
How big is baby?: Watermelon (19-22in, 7lbs)

Weight gain/loss?: +30.5lbs
Stretch marks?: I look like I’ve been attacked by a wild animal
Maternity clothes?: Definitely… and even some of those don’t fit

Sleep?: I have been sleeping much better the last few days

Labor signs: He’s dropping and I’m having contractions but not dilating
Food cravings?: Fruit

Gender?: Still a boy.
Movement?: yes and it hurts
Belly button?: still in but getting smaller and very flat looking
What are you looking forward to this week?: hopefully finding out when this baby will come out, if he won’t come on his own

He will come out, eventually

2011-07-03T17:53:00.005-05:00

Yup... we are at that point. 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant with no signs of impending labor. Holy cow, I'm tired of being pregnant! I'm VERY anxious to meet my little man and definitely ready for my body to be my own again. I know he has to come out of there eventually so now we play the waiting game. As of last Monday, I'm not dilated at all so we will see what happens Wednesday when I go back.

Everyone is ready... we are now to a point where every time I see someone they say "You haven't had that kid yet?!" Curtis gives him little pep talks every night and Mommy has resorted to begging. I know every little bit they get to bake is a plus and I am very grateful for that, but it's HOT and even as I type this, I have little feet protruding into my rib cage. Um, OUCH!

His big brothers are very anxious to meet him, too. When Curtis took them back to their mom's last week, he assured them that he would be back to get them once the baby got here and Clay's response was: "How long is that going to take, Dad?" lol who knows, buddy.

So, once again, I leave you with pictures of an inside baby. A friend of ours took some family/maternity pictures last week and I just got them back today!

How far along?:38w3d
How big is baby?: Watermelon (19-22in, 7lbs)

Weight gain/loss?: +30lbs
Stretch marks?: I look like I’ve been attacked by a wild animal
Maternity clothes?: Definitely… and even some of those don’t fit

Sleep?: I have been sleeping much better the last few days

Labor signs: He’s dropping but that’s about it
Food cravings?: Fruit

Gender?: Still a boy.
Movement?: oh yea… feet in ribcage, anyone?
Belly button?: still in but getting smaller and very flat looking
What are you looking forward to this week?: nothing in particular… praying for progress on Wednesday

A little trip down Memory Lane

2011-06-20T21:43:00.003-05:00

This could get kinda long so bear with me :)

I practically grew up in an amazing house on 5 acres here in AR. While I lived in TX with my parents throughout the year, I spent my summers in this house and made a lot of awesome memories there. It was my Mamaw and Papaw's house.

When my Papaw died in '05, Mamaw sold the house and most of her possessions because it was just too hard for her to deal with everything without Papaw. Well, in the months that past, she came to regret her decision and has since. I've said for the last 6 years that if the house ever came available again, I would do anything to have it back.

Well, yesterday when we were coming back from our little Father's Day fishing trip, we drove past the house and there just so happened to be a For Sale signed outside. I think my heart literally tried to jump out of my chest. I cried. It was like a dream come true. After talking to Curtis and my aunt and uncle, I thought "what the hell?" and called the number.

The lady I talked to sounded very nice on the phone and said they were eager to sell but in no hurry and said we could come look at it tonight. She also told me that I probably wouldn't recognize it because of all the changes they had made. She also mentioned the asking price... $40K over what she paid for it 6 years ago but I thought "Eh, it just might be worth it if they've done a lot of renovating..." I knew the house needed it but I was not prepared for the change.

So Curtis and I decided we would just go check it out and we would talk finances later. I really thought I was going to throw up on the way there. I haven't been on this property in 6 years... the last time was when we sold all my grandpa's possessions.

They did make a lot of changes... landscaped the yard, took out a couple walls in the house, tiled the floor, sheet-rocked the walls (they used to be paneled), painted. The only rooms that looked the same were the bathrooms. Oh and she (the owner) managed to throw in a few jabs at my grandparents, knowing they were my grandparents and I might be interested in buying the house. Who does that?! Apparently, Papaw getting sick and dying interfered with their buying process 6 years ago. Well, excuse the hell out of us. She also didn't like the way he "landscaped" or the fact that he had burned trash on the property (in barrels) or a few other things he had done in the 15 years him and Mamaw owned it.

Needless to say, I was not impressed and we won't be trying to buy the house. It was great to see it and I definitely miss it. But I miss Mamaw & Papaw's house... this one just isn't the same. I just don't see how what they have done to the house can jack the price up that much in 6 years in this market.

It was a nice trip down Memory Lane.

Almost baby time!

2011-06-13T19:35:00.004-05:00

I know I've been a bit of a slacker again but it has been INSANE around here! My family was in from Texas all last week, we had my baby shower last Sunday (6/5) and my great-uncle passed away on 6/5.

It was great getting to spend time with my family and I'm happy to say they are MOVING up here right around the time that Zachary is due! I'm so excited that he will get to see them more than 3-4 times a year!

My shower was wonderful... there were a ton of people here and everyone was VERY generous! We got our travel system, pack 'n play, 2 swings, a ton of clothes, diapers plus a lot of other stuff. I was very overwhelmed. And it was the ONLY time in my entire life that all 5 of my siblings were together in one house. I am the oldest of 6 - 4 of my siblings share the same father and 1 (a brother) shares the same "mother" (if you can call her that). It was amazing and I was thrilled to have us all together!

As I mentioned, my great-uncle passed away after a 15 year battle with heart problems. His death was really unexpected though... we thought the doctors had everything under control with medication and his pace-maker but I guess his body had just had all it could take. Uncle Archie, you will be VERY missed and I am extremely sad that Zachary will never get to meet you.

I am SICK of being pregnant! Thank goodness I only have 4.5 weeks to go!!

As usual, I will leave you with new pictures!

Me & my best friend (& shower hostess)

Zachary's bed is finally made!!

I think someone is a little jealous! lol

All of my brothers & sisters - ranging in age from 5-24 (me)

shower decorations.... Tasha did an amazing job!!!

Baby survey!

How far along?: 35w, 4d
How big is baby?: large canteloupe (19-22in, 6ish pounds)

Weight gain/loss?: +30 punds
Stretch marks?: I look like a wild animal got a hold of my belly :(
Maternity clothes?: Definitely

Sleep?: eh... not so much
Food cravings?: Fruit!

Gender?: Still a boy.
Movement?: this kid is going to be the death of me! He keeps sticking his little feet out on my side and it's really painful!
Belly button?: looking rather strange these days but still in
What are you looking forward to this week?: spending time with my stepsons and Father's Day on Friday

Sickly Mama

2011-05-26T12:34:00.002-05:00

That has been me this week.

What started out as an annoying sore throat turned into a full-fledged, please kill me now cough/cold. And when I say cough, I mean coughing so hard that I was having contractions, dry-heaving and peeing on myself. Sexy, right?

Tuesday night I had my first visit to L&D, which was pretty uneventful. They determined that I was having quite a few contractions but they weren't progressive at all so, after about an hour of listening to Zachary's heartrate and being "checked" twice, I got to go home. But did they give me anything for the contraction-causing cough? Hell no. Told me to call the OB the next morning.

So I did. Only then did I learn that my OB AND nurse are off until next Wednesday! So I left a message for the on-call nurse at 8:30am. When no one had called me back at noon, I went up there, only for the receptionist to tell me the nurse was busy and would get back to me. Guess who still hasn't heard from the doctor's office (and all this happened yesterday)?! Yup, that would be me. I am not happy and I will be letting my dr know when I see him next Friday.

But I'm not a patient person. I finally got sick of waiting for them to call and just went to the pharmacy and talked to the pharmacist, who was very helpful. Now armed with Robitussin-DM, Tylenol Cold & Sinus Night & Day, Vicks nasal spray and vapo-rub, a bag of cough drops and a roll of toilet paper, I am feeling a little better. I have not coughed myself into contractions in over 12 hours and I got some sleep last night. But OMG does my whole body hurt from coughing!

After all that, I'm sure it is safe for you to assume that I don't have a 32 week bump pic. No way am I sharing pictures of my sickly self with the world! lol Stay tuned for my 33 week pics and survey... hopefully I will have those by the end of the weekend.

Where has my energy gone?!

2011-05-20T15:29:00.002-05:00

Seriously... if you find it, I'd like it back please. Along with my feet.

My house is a mess, there is laundry to be done (as always) but do I care? Absolutely not. I will get around to it in the next day or so, I'm sure, because I'm just anal like that but for today, I'm having fun just sitting here playing on the computer and feeling Zachary practice his aerobics.

I did have an amazing 45 minute massage this morning though, thanks to my Gramme! It was heaven and I wish I could do that every week... it is just not in the budget.

I also have a confession on this nasty, rainy Friday afternoon. I am about tired of being pregnant. I know I should be grateful and all that, considering how long it took us to get here (and don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for this blessing) but seriously... I'm ready to have my baby in my arms and my body back. Every part of me hurts and I haven't had a decent nights sleep in weeks.

Yes, I'm well aware that my sleep will be broken, at best, when he gets here but it's one thing to get up in the middle of the night to take care of my child. It's another to be up all night because I just can't get comfortable or my legs are restless.

Well, I suppose that's all the whining I've got for today. Hopefully, next time I will be in a better mood.

31 week ultrasound

2011-05-17T18:21:00.003-05:00

I had my 31 week (supposed to be 32 but the dr is going out of town) appointment yesterday. Everything is great... little man is still measuring a little small (about a week behind) but they aren't really concerned. Dr. C said we are right on track.

Zachary had his feet in his mouth for most of the ultrasound... my poor little guy is running out of room in there! He weighs approx. 3lbs5oz and has some crazy long legs and big feet. I think we might have a future basketball player on our hands!

I am so in love!

Back to working order!

2011-05-14T23:18:00.004-05:00

PHEW! My stupid computer died so I haven't been able to blog (or anything) in a couple weeks. Luckily, my aunt let me borrow her extra monitor so I am back! The life of a SAHW gets a little boring without my computer!

So we are up to 31 weeks now... only 8.5 to go. How did this happen?! Although, I do have to admit, I am excited (and nervous) because I'm starting to get tired of being pregnant. Between the killer RLS I've developed and the discomfort of the summer heat looming, I am starting to get miserable.

We are making progress in being prepared for little man's arrival... we finally bought and assembled the crib, we have completed 2 of 4 Childbirth classes and my shower is in 3 weeks! It's all starting to seem very real!

We have our last ultrasound on Monday to check his growth and I start bi-weekly appointments for the next 5 weeks.

Now for some pictures...

The birthday boy! I can't believe he is 7!!

My honey putting Zachary's crib together!

All done... minus the mattress

How far along: 31 weeks, 2 days
Total Weight Gain: 26 pounds
Stretchmarks: yup.. the faded ones I had pre-preg are back full force plus a couple new ones
Sleep: sucks thanks to the RLS
Best Moment This Week: getting the crib put together
Movement: ALL.THE.TIME! His favorite thing to do it to ball up in one spot and push. That's a little painful!
Gender: Boy!
Labor Signs: BH contractions here and there
Belly Button: looks very odd these days... still in but it's shallow and looks more oval than the cute little circle it used to be
What I Miss: my body and sleep... but I wouldn't change it for the world!
What I am Looking Forward to: my shower and him being here
Milestones: baby is now the size of a head of lettuce (19in, 3.9 lbs) and is accumulating fat

29 weeks (and other stuff)

2011-05-01T15:56:00.003-05:00

What a week! I am now 29 weeks (YAY!) and getting ready for little man's arrival, little by little. We are ordering his nursery furniture tomorrow!

My parents were here from TX last weekend, which was awesome but very exhausting! It was so good to see them, since it had been October since I had seen them last. We have also had some hellacious weather this week, from tornadoes to flooding. It has been ugly but thankfully everyone is safe and we didn't get any damage (though, my FIL was without power for nearly a week!). Now, it won't stop raining and we are having flash flooding all over the state... YUCK!!!

29 weeks!

Flooding from the creek next to my house

My back yard... AKA "Lake Poulnott"

How far along?: 29w3d
How big is baby?: Butternut squash; 17in, 3.1 lbs

Weight gain/loss?: not sure where I'm at now
Stretch marks?: they are making their appearance
Maternity clothes?: Definitely

Sleep?: much better than before
Food cravings?: Banana popsicles... I miss my Papaw!!

Gender?: Still a boy.
Movement?: he has been very active... his new thing is to curl up in one spot so I have lumps of baby lol
Belly button?: it looks really weird but still in
What are you looking forward to this week?: our first childbirth class is Thursday then I finally get to see my stepsons on Friday and a birthday party for Alex on Saturday!

Ribbon/Thread case

2011-04-21T13:42:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago, Curtis got bored and decided he would go work in his dad's woodshop. Score! I've had a project for him to do for a little over a month and he just hadn't had time.

Since I started doing more crafts, I started to accumulate a lot of ribbon. It was all over the place (I wish I had a picture to show you the mess I was dealing with) and needed a home. So I came up with this idea for a ribbon case to house this mess.

I told Curtis what I wanted and this is what he came up with:

Curtis came up with the idea to add the pegs for thread after he started building the case. I love him!

I finally finished painting it over the weekend...

This will eventually hang on the wall in my office/craft room, but for now it's sitting in the floor in there. I really need to get in there and get it organized!

A week behind...

2011-04-21T13:23:00.003-05:00

I am actually 28 weeks today but I am going to share 27 weeks with you today... it's been a busy week around here!

Monday was our 3 year anniversary... It is hard to believe that we have been married for 3 years! Where does the time go?! Luckily, our anniversary just so happened to fall on his days off so we got to spend the whole day together! We started the day by going to get massages, which was AMAZING! I will definitely be going back!! And I think Curtis fell in love with the massage therapist. LOL.

That afternoon, we had to go talk to a lawyer about all this crap going on with his ex-wife... that went well. He informed us that we seem to have a pretty good case, but it's going to cost roughly $3,800. Barf.

We finished off the day by enjoying a wonderful dinner together at Chili's. I love this man!!

Now for belly pics and the survey:

How far along?: 27w1d

How big is baby?: Head of cauliflower; 16in, 2.5lbs

Weight gain/loss?: +23.5 pounds

Stretch marks?: I have noticed one just left of my belly button
Maternity clothes?: Definitely

Sleep?: Eh... it comes and goes
Food cravings?: McDonald's sausage biscuits

Gender?: Definitely a boy!

Movement?: It picked up again then slowed down... I'm guessing he is running out of room in there.
Belly button?: Unchanged
What are you looking forward to this week?: Seeing my family!!!!

My family will be in from TX this weekend (YAY!!! I haven't seen them since October - before I got pregnant!) so I probably won't post again until they leave Monday or Tuesday. I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend!!!

Sweet baby boy!

2011-04-14T12:57:00.004-05:00

My sweet baby!

MMMM.... good fingers!

Big foot, long leg... definitely his father's child!

He's lookin' a little squished!

Another big foot :)

Definitely still a boy!!

And my absolute favorite... I am completely in love!!!

26 weeks!

2011-04-11T13:33:00.003-05:00

And the countdown is on... someone asked how long I had left the other day and I answered promptly with 13.5 weeks. I am getting very anxious and cannot wait to meet my little man!!

I got to have a very yummy *sarcasm* breakfast on Thursday of Glucola. I am not sad to say that I passed the 1-hour and do not have to drink that stuff again (anytime soon, that is). My number was 89 and I had to have below 140 to pass. Thank you, PCOS, for not screwing that up for me! Overall, the dr's appointment went very well. I had a quick pelvic exam, blood draw, measured my belly and listened to Z's heartbeat... I LOVE that sound! And I only gained a pound and a half over the 4 weeks since my last appointment.

I go back in 4 weeks, then starts every 2 weeks until 36 weeks when we start weekly and cervical checks... I'm so looking forward to those! *eyeroll*

Oh and my birthday was Friday... it was a pretty good day (minus drama with Curtis' ex-wife, which I will share later). We had dinner my FIL and just enjoyed a quiet night at home together watching movies. MUCH, MUCH better than last year, when I was in the midst of miscarrying!

And now for the pictures and survery:

26 weeks and my birthday (Friday)!

And I just had to share a picture of this adorable little guy... my friends new baby boy, Hunter Kade. Absolutely the sweetest little man ever!

How far along?: 26w4d

How big is baby?: Eggplant; 9in, 2lbs

Weight gain/loss?: +23.5 pounds

Stretch marks?: I have noticed one just left of my belly button

Maternity clothes?: Yup. I have very few pre-preg shirts that I can wear anymore

Sleep?: I have actually been sleeping this week and it has been so nice!!!

Food cravings?: hm… nothing really special. Random things at random times! Lol

Gender?: Still a boy.

Movement?: I have had a very lazy little man the last few days!

Belly button?: Unchanged

What are you looking forward to this week?: 3D ultrasound on Wednesday!!!! I can’t wait to see him again!

Is it too much to ask?!

2011-04-04T10:17:00.002-05:00

For some intimacy from my husband? I know he works a lot and is tired and all that but gimme a break.

For the first 3-4 months of my pregnancy, we couldn't do anything because I was on pelvic rest. All I heard was how much he wanted me. And now it's like pulling teeth to get anything. Way to make your growing wife feel unattractive.

We had a talk about this a couple weeks ago and his complaint was that I didn't initiate enough or show HIM that I wanted HIM, so I worked on that. But yet, here we are again. He was off work for 3 days and kissed me MAYBE 5 times.... um, WTF?!

Of course, when I brought it up last night, it was ON. And it was AMAZING. But I don't want to have to complain or make a big deal of it for my husband to want to be intimate with me. I just don't get it... sex has NEVER been an issue for us.

It feels like the bigger I get, the less he wants me. He says that's not the case at all, but that's how it seems to me. I just need some lovin'!

Nursery progress!

2011-04-03T10:03:00.003-05:00

It's not much, but it is starting to look like something other than just an empty bedroom. I am thrilled but still very antsy to actually get his room set up! It's driving me insane... I feel like he is going to be here and not have any furniture or anything in his room :(

But here is what we have accomplished...

Wall letters... Thank you to my best friend, Tasha!

Closet size dividers I made... I got this idea from a friend a couple years ago when she had her daughter and fell in love with it. I plan to also make some for my stepsons closet, since they share a closet.

25 weeks

2011-04-03T09:51:00.002-05:00

Another week down. Geez... only 15 to go (in theory). Nothing too exciting to report this week... it's been pretty boring! I will say that I can do without the massive Charlie Horses in my leg... it's been 2 days since and my leg still hurts!

How far along?: 25w3d

How big is baby?: Eggplant; 9in, 2lbs

Weight gain/loss?: +22 pounds

Stretch marks?: None yet

Maternity clothes?: Definitely, other than t-shirts and pj pants

Sleep?: haha… yes, please!

Food cravings?: bread pudding

Gender?: Still a boy!

Movement?: I think I’m going to give birth to a kickboxer

Belly button?: Unchanged

What are you looking forward to this week?: My bday is on Friday, Dr appt on Thursday but not really looking forward to drinking the glucola!

Unmotivated...

2011-03-28T13:54:00.002-05:00

That has been me for the last 6 months or so.

I run my own business, but sometimes I think this is dangerous. You would it would be easier and less stressful, but because I don't have a "boss" and my willpower sucks, I just get lazy. I have a rough week and just say screw it.

It's a great business and I really love it. I get mad at myself all the time for not doing more. It's not like we couldn't use the money.

So, here is the deal. I WILL get off my butt. I WILL have at least 2 shows a month for the next 3 months. There is no reason I can't do this, other than I am lazy! I put my business on the back burner when I got pregnant, had to be on pelvic rest and all that fun stuff and I just haven't found my motivation to get it going again.

24 weeks!

2011-03-25T15:18:00.005-05:00

Holy cow... that's viability! It's all starting to seem very real... especially when we can see my belly moving now!

Some people say "OMG you are already 24 weeks?!"

I say: "I'm only 24 weeks?!"

Seriously... I feel like I've been pregnant way longer than that. My back hurts. My feet hurt. I am not sleeping worth a damn. I'm just completely uncomfortable most of the time. And, while the anxiety is definitely starting to creep up on me, I'm still loving being pregnant. I love feeling him move. His little kicks are by far the greatest feeling in the world.

Yes, I look tired. Guess what... I am.

This shirt was a gift from my parents... I LOVE it! lol

This was also a gift from a "Secret Mommy" exchange. Curtis is a HUGE Georgia Bulldogs fan... he asked who he got to kiss for this one! lol

How far along?: 24w1d
How big is baby?: Eggplant; 9in, 1.7lbs

Weight gain/loss?: +22 pounds
Stretch marks?: None yet
Maternity clothes?: Definitely, other than t-shirts and pj pants

Sleep?: haha… yes, please!
Food cravings?: queso, queso, queso
Gender?: Still a boy!
Movement?: A little stronger every day. We can see my belly move now!
Belly button?: Found by baby but unchanged
What are you looking forward to this week?: nothing in particular… next appt and my bday in 2 weeks!

TGIF!

2011-03-18T19:08:00.004-05:00

And a beautiful one it has been! The weather is gorgeous here and it's supposed to be an awesome weekend! After running some errands (windows down and music up, of course :)), I picked up my stepsons, who are spending Spring Break with us... YAY!!! It should be a fun week! I'm really hoping we can make it to the Dr. Seuss exhibit next week!

I also aquired a new family member along the way... a nameless 6 week old American Bulldog. I'm waiting for Curtis to get home so we pick a name as a family.

And I am now 23 weeks!

How far along?: 23w1d
How big is baby?: The size of an ear of corn, 8.5 inches, 1.5 pounds
Weight gain/loss?: ~20 pounds... no scale at home so I'm not exactly sure
Stretch marks?: None that I've noticed
Maternity clothes?:Yes
Sleep?: Not well. I've decided those days are over!
Food cravings?: Potatoes... fried, mashed, baked... It doesn't seem to matter what kind of potato.
Gender?: Boy!
Movement?: Stronger and more frequent
Belly button?: no change
What are you looking forward to this week?: spending Spring Break with my stepsons and bonding with the new puppy

22 weeks - and a check up

2011-03-11T18:19:00.006-06:00

Ok so I tried to post this on Friday, when it was fresh but blogger was being stubborn and I haven't been on the computer since!

Today was my 22 week appointment... relatively boring.

He measured my belly, listened to the baby (HR @ 140) and sent me on my way with this nasty little orange drink. I did learn that my blood pressure is a little elevated... 138/72, where I am normally around 110/60, so we are going to keep an eye on that. I guess it's a good thing I'm an MA, my aunt is an LPN and my grandma is an RN so that is covered! lol I am also up to 145 lbs. (from 125 pre-preg)... 10 of that has been in the last month.

So my next appointment is April 7th... the day before my birthday. It is the glucose/blood draw and pelvic exam appointment that they wanted to do ON my birthday but I wasn't having it... last year, I spent the morning in the drs office confirming that I was in fact miscarrying... I'd like to enjoy my birthday this year!

Lazy Monday

2011-03-07T12:49:00.002-06:00

What a weekend!! All I want to do today is SLEEP!! We had the kiddos this weekend and Curtis was off work (which is rare) so we spent the weekend with family, catching up and letting the cousins play. Of course I didn't take any pictures.... FAIL!

Mr. Zachary has been insanely active and I love it! However, I would love it more if he didn't think Mommy's cervix was his new football. It does not feel good! Curtis got a good kick the other night though and he was thrilled! He is starting to push everything up, which starts to hurt if I sit too long. I am starting to get winded more easily and the belly is growing. All of these things may be slightly painful or uncomfortable but I'm ok with that... it lets me know my little man is growing as he should.

Next OB appointment is Friday at 22w1d and we have a 3D ultrasound scheduled for April 13th - the week after my birthday and I can't wait!

So I will leave you with this today.... (and I plan to start doing these with belly pics but I'm not in the mood for a picture today! lol)

How far along: 21 weeks, 4 days
Total Weight Gain: 15 pounds
Stretchmarks: none yet
Sleep: broken by the frequent potty trips
Best Moment This Week: the super strong kick the other night when Daddy was trying to feel him move!
Movement: getting a lot more frequent and stronger! Starting to be able to feel him all the time, and not just when I'm completely still!
Gender: Boy!
Labor Signs: Too early for that!
Belly Button: Still in.
What I Miss: A full nights sleep and I'd love a drink right about now!
What I am Looking Forward to: More movements and growing. I can't wait to decorate his room!!
Milestones: Baby is the size of a spaghetti squash this week at about 8 inches and 1 whole pound and can perceive light and dark now.

Baby Shower gifts I made...

2011-03-02T09:21:00.003-06:00

A good friend of mine is due in 2 weeks with her little boy and her shower was last weekend. They are doing a John Deere/Camo theme for him so I made a few things for little Hunter!

I LOVE this blanket!!! It is sooo soft!

Burp rag... I actually made 5 of these

My first wipes case! I'm hoping these will get easier! lol

Canvas basket

And the finished product! She was very happy with it!

20 weeks

2011-03-02T09:19:00.002-06:00

Zachary Lee - in pictures

2011-03-02T09:05:00.006-06:00

6 weeks 8 weeks

10 weeks 13 weeks

and the last 3 are at 18 weeks! I absolutely love the one of him "playing peek-a-boo" with us!!

I had several ultrasounds in the beginning because there was bleeding and my little man wanted to be difficult! We also have a 3D scheduled for April 13th!! I can't wait!

I have no excuses...

2011-03-01T10:24:00.002-06:00

for my horribly bad blogging. I just forget about this thing I guess. But here goes... I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

The pregnancy has been a rollercoaster to say the least. Things have finally smoothed out and I am almost 21 weeks! Halfway there - PHEW! We found out a couple weeks ago that we are having a little boy - Zachary Lee. So that makes 3 boys (and a husband)... what on Earth am I going to do?! I could not be happier and and am getting VERY excited for his arrival!

In the beginning I was scared. Then I was sick. Then energetic. Now I am excited as hell and starting to get a little overwhelmed!

And I'm not sure if this is nesting or just plain boredom but I have been on this crazy organization and craft kick lately. I have been trying to get that room we call an office to look like a room and less like tornado alley.

Things could absolutely not be better right now and I am just on cloud 9. So I guess that's all for now... I WILL be posting more. Or I'll try.

So much for that...

2010-11-10T22:59:00.002-06:00

Hello bloggers! So, many of you may remember that, in my last post, I said TTC was on the back burner. Well apparently it was too late for that or the good Lord above is trying to tell us something.

For the last 3 days, I have felt like complete crap and exhaustion has overcome me. So last night, after some pleading from Curtis, I decided I would test, even though I swore I wouldn't until I felt a baby kick (lol). Unfortunately, all I had was a digi... he persisted so I gave in and said fine but it will probably be negative.

Boy, was I WRONG. Most of the time, digi's take a few minutes to read... not mine. Took about 30-45 seconds. Seeing that one word pop up in the little window was one of the most shocking moments ever. I literally said "Oh.My.Fucking.God" and Curtis rolled over and said "What?." I shoved the stick in his face, he looked at it, kissed me and said "call the dr." and went back to sleep. How romantic, right?

As for symptoms: nausea, complete exhaustion, super sore boobs and one hellacious YI that WILL NOT go away! And the smell of pee makes me gag... awesome.

So here it is... the first of what I hope to be many more baby pictures:

Yup, I fail..

2010-11-04T22:45:00.002-05:00

At blogging that is. It has been over a month... WTH is that? I plan to keep this short but I will probably ramble, as always.

So, I survived my trip to TX, we are moved and I love the new house (except for the invincible mouse that has moved in with us - I swear he will NOT die! EEWWW). Things have not been so hot between Curtis and I lately but we are trying to fix it. It's a rough road to be on; I just pray we can find a common ground.

That being said, TTC is definitely on the back burner. I've even given thought to going back on BCP until our relationship issues are solved. Ugh it just frustrates me so much... I hate this feeling but I have to do something about it.

Wish me luck. I'm probably going to need it.

Ahhh, Sunday, I love you!

2010-09-26T18:21:00.002-05:00

Finally. One day to just relax and do nothing, not go anywhere and see no one. After the week I've had, I welcome this day! Normally, I would be going insane not doing anything, but ot today.

Last week I ran like crazy (paying bills, helping with the new house, working). Friday night I had a party, what we like to call a "Ladies Night Out." There was a consultant from Premiere Jewelry, Mary Kay, and me with Pampered Chef. It was a very interesting and fun experience! Saturday, I worked a booth to promote my business at a community event (lots of vendor booths, food, music and games for kids), then Curtis and I walked around and enjoyed the event afterwards. We had a lot of fun and it was great business opportunity for me! I managed to book 5 Cooking Shows and I have 1 possible recruit!

Everything is going really well and I'm loving it. I'm also loving one day to spend with just my husband, who has been working so hard!

TTC: I have no idea what my body is doing. Apparently I've ovulated (9dpo today) but for some reason I just have this feeling... I'm sure it is all in my head and wishful thinking, but I guess we will find out in the next couple days. I'm ready to travel a new road...

Overwhelmed!

2010-09-21T22:20:00.002-05:00

That's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. I have 9 days til my trip to Texas and 14 days until we move into our house. The house is a disaster, I haven't packed a thing and I have a ton of work to do. I'm excited to actually have something to do but I've just overbooked myself this month, between Cooking Shows and all the stuff in my personal life. I think I just need to better manage my time over the next couple weeks!

TTC Update: I had my annual exam yesterday and the doc suggested that we try Clomid for a few cycles to see if that helps. I am a little leery about this because since it's an OB office, they don't do any monitoring for Clomid cycles and that worries me a little bit, with the risks of Clomid. However, it's our only option for help since our new insurance covers NO IF treatments or meds. If we don't do this, we just keep trying on our own, charting and the trusty CBEFM. I haven't decided yet what to do... I'm going to think it over through this cycle and do some more research.

Everything is going pretty well... much more smoothly these days. I'm just ready to get through these next 2 weeks so I don't feel so overwhelmed!

What a weekend!

2010-09-18T22:30:00.004-05:00

This weekend has been insane and it's only Saturday night. We have had a lot of fun but everyone is worn out. Yesterday Curtis and I ran some errands and went birthday shopping for Clay (who turns 8 tomorrow) then we picked the boys up from their mom. From there, we went straight to the County Fair... 5 hours and a small fortune later, we were all faired out.

Today was Clay's birthday party so again, lots more running. He had a great party, got a lot of new toys and clothes (which he wasn't real thrilled about lol).

Curtis has to go back to work tomorrow and the kids go back to their moms, which means it's time for me to clean house and start packing. Big fun!

Here are a few pics from the weekend:

Clay at the fair

Alex at the fair

Clay riding a pony

Me and my Aunt Tiffany

Clay's birthday party

Well, that looks much better!

2010-09-15T23:51:00.002-05:00

First, I owe a HUGE thank-you to the ladies who helped me with blog remodel. It looks so much better!! Maybe, just maybe, this revamp will help me be a better poster! Be sure to check out all the new features and grab my button!

So... here's what's new with us. I have been VERY busy with my new business (that's the way I like it!) and I still say I LOVE The Pampered Chef! I am gettings tons of free products and having a blast meeting new people. Tomorrow, I will be working a booth at the county fair so hopefully I can get some new contacts and fill in some more dates on my already full calendar!

We move into our new house on October 5th and I am sooo excited! If only I could find the time to pack between birthday parties, Cooking Shows, and a trip to Texas coming up. I should be fine though... after this week, I'll be packing during the week and working weekends.

Clay turns 8 on Sunday, which just seems insane to me. He was 3 when Curtis and I met and has grown so much. We are having his party on Saturday so that should be fun :)

Curtis is still enjoying his job, though he's exhausted! We are getting in a pretty good routine and things are going really well. The company even paid for us to have dinner at a Hibachi grill tonight! It was us, about 12 other roughnecks, 1 other woman and a baby... I'm glad I didn't have to pick up that tab! lol

Ok well it's bedtime! Early day tomorrow... sorry this was so long! Once I become a better blogger, I will have less to update at once! Much love!

Please excuse the mess...

2010-09-12T18:35:00.002-05:00

My blog is under reconstruction, so please excuse the mess while I figure this stuff out!

An update, of sorts...

2010-08-18T16:28:00.002-05:00

It's been a little while since my last post but I have had A LOT going on. Shortly after my last post, I was in an accident that totaled my car. I am/was ok - just pretty shaken up... it was 100% the other persons fault. He pulled out in front of me on the highway. He completely admitted fault, his insurance paid and I got a new car. A 2004 Toyota Sequoia and I LOVE it... it's awesome.

Curtis has also started his new job and seems to really be loving it but we will see how long that lasts once he starts working 12-20 hours days. We are currently out of town for some work training... the company is paying for me to take a vacation and for him to take classes necessary to his job. We are staying in a really nice hotel for the week and I am loving the peace and quiet.

The boys have gone back to live with their mother... unfortunately :(. We were trying to keep this from happening but there wasn't much we could do at the time so we just decided to go with it rather than making the kids miserable by fighting with their mom. So we are getting all our ducks in a row then we will get them back.

I am also feeling much better, so I'm guessing the meds are working. We are looking into moving into a bigger house in the next month or so... I'm very hopeful and ready to move. However, if we move now, we will continue to TTC on our own until after the first of the year, then I will go back to the RE. We just don't want to dive into too much at once.

I also recently became a Pampered Chef consultant and I am LOVING that... such awesome products and a great opportunity to meet new people. Well I guess that's all I've got this time... so until later, much love to all my readers!

Getting somewhere...

2010-07-23T01:11:00.003-05:00

Wow it has been one hell of a week!

We finally decided it's time for me to get some help with this depression and anxiety I've been battling for the last few years. It was getting out of control. The symptoms first arose when my 14 month old cousin passed away... but I found other ways to deal. Then again when my Papaw died in 2005... I dealt with alcohol and WAY to much partying. The symptoms and overall worthless feelings have come and gone over the years but I've always been able to handle it on my own, one way or another. Then came moving, stress of not having a job, my stepsons unexpectedly moving in with us (not that I don't want them, because I do LOVE having them here), but I think the icing on the cake was losing our little one... that awful m/c in April. Since then, I've had my good days and my bad days but the bad FAR outweigh the good.

I started having more bad days and it was extremely hard for me to deal with it on my own. My husband, bless his heart, has tried everything in his arsenal to make me feel better but nothing seemed to be working and we were all very thankful for the few good days that came along. But, I was beginning to take out my agression on the children (never physically), and my husband, and everyone around us for that matter. I would just snap at every little thing and be pissed off for no reason or crying. Not cool... but I didn't know how to deal with it. I felt completely out of control of my own emotions.

So, I saw my awesome doctor on Wednesday and he was very understanding and willing to help. And scolded me for waiting so long to get help. We are trying Lexapro for the next 2 weeks to see how I do with it, then I go in for a follow-up. He also gave me a script for Xanax to help ease the anxiety.

2 days on the meds and I'm already starting to feel a little better. Overall today, I was in a pretty good mood but I also feel kinda blah so we will see how the next couple weeks go. I was scared to admit I needed help and my pride wouldn't let me ask for it, until I saw what it was doing to my most intimate relationships... I couldn't let that happen.

On a positive note, Curtis was offered a job today with an awesome company, pending a drug test, physical, and background check. He should start August 2nd... the company offers Day 1 benefits, which means I will finally be able to go back to the RE and get this ball rolling... again.

Sorry this turned out so long and thanks for reading!

Really, Ute?!

2010-07-13T12:53:00.002-05:00

So excuse my complete bitch/whine-fest.

This has been one of the worst cycles ever. We had that false positive on Father's Day then BFNs after that... Fast forward to today. CD55 and still no AF so I tested again... BFFN. And NO sign of AF... other than breaking out like a teenager, which is so not normal Pre-AF for me but then again what is normal for me? Honestly, I don't know how much more of this shit I can take. We have been trying for over 3 years now with 2 miscarriages and a whole shit-ton of BFNs...

Couple this with not being able to find a job and I feel like I have FAILURE tattooed across my forehead. I feel empty.

AND we found out this past weekend that in a couple weeks, the boys will be going back to live with their mother. Awesome. There isn't really anything we can do about it at this point... Yet another reason why I feel like a failure.

Ok I'm done... you were warned and if you made it all the way through that, thank you.

We need more space!!

2010-07-06T23:41:00.002-05:00

Once upon a time, there were only 2 Poulnotts living under one roof and we didn't need much space. Now there are 4. We NEED more space... this house is just not cutting it for the 4 (and someday 5) of us. So we have been on a mission. And it looks like we will be getting our bigger house soon... It's a 3 bedroom, 1 bath (my biggest problem with it) house with a shop AND shed. So, we should know more by the end of the week on our moving status.

I was introduced to this AMAZING craft blog (www.makeit-loveit.com) and now have a huge crafting itch. I have a few projects in mind, thanks to this awesome site with very easy to follow tutorials :)

I don't have much else to update these days... AF still hasn't shown so IDK what's going on there. Until next time...

Promises, Promises

2010-06-29T01:30:00.002-05:00

Yes, I know... when I posted back in April I "promised" to post more often. I failed. Well, for those still following me, here I am. And I really will try to get back in the hang of this blogging business. As you can see, my blog has a new look. I got a little festive with the 4th coming up and all.

Ok. Enough of that. Time for an update...

Actually, there isn't really much to update you on. TTC is still on the move. We had a false positive on Father's Day, which sucked, but what can ya do? Things have been pretty stressful around here but that's life, I suppose.

Well I guess it's bedtime. Stick with me... I swear, I will try to be better about updating this thing. Goodnight!

And we're back...

2010-04-19T15:17:00.002-05:00

Hello bloggers! How's it goin? Wow it's been a LONG time since I've done this so I'll try to keep it short and sweet.

I finished school in February with honors (3.94 GPA - because I slacked during my last class) and am now in Arkansas still looking for a job. Job searching is VERY stressful! Curtis has gone to school to get his CDL and has about 2 weeks left on that so WOOHOO!

We now have custody of the boys so that has been a HUGE adjustment for all of us but everyone is taking it pretty well. I LOVE having them... they are so much fun, but it can get a little hectic at times.

As far as TTC goes, most of you know that when we got ready to move, we took a break from all treaments until we were stable up here. Well, on March 30th I took a test on a whim because I had not seen AF since Feb. 5th. I was completely expecting a BFN, as usual, so you can imagine my surprise when that second pretty lil pink line showed up. We were ecstatic.... that is until the bleeding began. On Saturday, April 3rd, I started bleeding and was kinda freaked out so we decided to go to the ER for some peace of mind until I could get in to see the Doc. We found out my HCG was only at 35 and there was no baby or sac on the U/S. I went to the doctor on Monday and Wednesday for confirmation and my HCG had dropped to 23 and 16, respectively. We were (and are) completely devastated but all we can do is keep trying. Someday we will get our miracle.

Alright well I've got kids to get off the bus so until next time... (which I promise, won't be as long!!)

What's this?

2009-12-04T01:40:00.002-06:00

Just a warning that this will probably be pretty long...

1) What's this blog thing? - Yes I know I have been a horrible blogger. Things have been soo insane for us. We started our move Thanksgiving week and spent a week in Arkansas. It was sooo nice to be able to unwind! We went up there a day early but didn't tell anyone except our best friends and FIL. We were able to have a whole day to just relax and lay low without 50 people wanting us to come see them. We had a great visit and were even able to have the boys for a few days :)

2) What's this chaos and when will it end?! - Moving out of our apartment has been an adventure. We decided it would be less hectic to put everything in storage until time for me to go to Arkansas so Curtis doesn't have to deal with all that by himself. So he was here for 2 days and we got all the furniture moved to storage and I have been working on the cleaning and taking the rest of stuff to storage before school. It has just been so freakin busy!

3) What's this crap all about? - So you may remember my bitch fest about my school drama... 2 months ago, I was told I could do my externship in AR so I could be with my husband sooner. Well now that's the time has come to do all that, I have been told I cannot do my extern is AR so I will be here for another 4 weeks without Curtis. I know I need to finish this and it will make things so much better for us in the long run. *sigh* It will all work out.

4) (and I saved this one for last because typing it just might make me cry again) What's this huge empty feeling I have?? - Curtis left Wednesday afternoon to go back to AR to get his job going and get ready to go back to school. I have to say saying good-bye to him is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I know I will see him again in a few weeks but it is still so hard. I miss him so very much already. Honestly, I do believe this break will help us so much and will make us stronger but it still hurts so much to not have him here. I didn't realize just how much we do together and how much we depend on each other until he was gone. He is my rock and I really do love him with every fiber of my being. I've had a few pretty big meltdowns but it's getting easier and I pray these 17 days fly by!!!

I'm staying with a friend for now and I promise to try to update more often!! Sorry this was so long!

Got INK?

2009-11-11T23:34:00.003-06:00

I DO!!! I got my first tattoo last Saturday (11-7-09) and I LOVE it!!

Story behind the ink: You may remember my beautiful angel, Jewel, my cousin who passed away at 14 months. Well, this little beauty also gave me my nickname - Insy. She could not say "Lindsey" so she called me "Insy" and it just stuck. On a whim, Curtis drew a picture one night that I fell in love with. He never imagined it would go on my body.

So here it is......

The picture....

The ink... (on my upper back)

What a week!

2009-11-03T23:51:00.002-06:00

Well since my last post, Curtis and I have decided to cut off all treatments until after the move. It was a hard decision but I'm really ok with it... we just have so much other stuff going on, we decided it would be best. We are by no means TTA and will be beyond thrilled if we are blessed with a little miracle between now and whenever the time comes to start treatments again.

We are also dealing with A LOT of drama from his ex-wife... she is such a nightmare but is quickly burying herself and I will happily give her the shovel. I am just so fed up with her!

School is going by so quickly (thank God!)... I finish class #5 (of 7) Thursday night and am so excited. It's almost over!!! I have been getting a lot of packing done and am just ready to get this move over with!!

New cycle, new options

2009-10-30T15:38:00.002-05:00

Well I woke up with AF this morning I had an appointment with my RE to discuss the next cycle and had my baseline u/s. We talked with Dr. S about how to approach our next (and last) cycle. We discussed Clomid and decided we would stay at 100mg since that worked last time. Then she threw a curveball at us.

She said, since this is our last cyle before the move, we have the option of doing an IUI. Neither of us were expecting this and aren't real sure how we feel about it yet.

We will start Clomid on CD3 then OPKs about CD12. I go back in for a follie scan on CD14 (last cycle we did CD15 and I had already O'd so she wants to try to catch it before O to see what we are working with). We will decide before then if we will go forward with the IUI or leave it to Clomid.

I have also been an emotional mess.. I was so angry this morning and now I've just been crying off and on all day. I knew better than to get my hopes up so high!

Oh and do I dare even touch on my insurance company right now? My dr's office said, if we go with the IUI route, it would be covered at a $25 co-pay and my insurance is telling me its covered at 85/15. Make up my FVCKING mind!!

One lonely line

2009-10-25T16:37:00.002-05:00

That's what I saw this morning when I tested at 10dpo. I knew better... I knew it would be too early but I did it anyway (partially because of the huge temp jump I had this morning). I am just so hopeful this cycle but that one little line kinda crushed those hopes. I said I wouldn't be upset if I got a BFN this morning because it's so early but I still was.

So now I will be smart and wait til 12 or 13 dpo to test again. Curtis was so sweet when I told him it was a BFN. He said "Well honey, you knew it was too early and that this was a possibility. What if you never get a + on an HPT? Just wait a few days and try again... AF isn't here yet... it's not over" I love my husband!

Friday is our appointment to discuss the "results" of this cycle with Dr. S. If I still haven't gotten AF or a BFP, I will request a blood test just to be sure.

And here is a pic of my chart as of today...

Hello Phantom Symptoms!

2009-10-21T22:51:00.002-05:00

Ok WTH... I know better than this! I'm only 6dpo and I'm going to drive myself insane. Everything from nausea to sore boobs to off and on cramping to dizzy spells.

I do have to say that my chart isn't helping matters... it is BEAUTIFUL. Unfortunately, I also know that even the most promising charts and phantom symptoms can end up being absolutely nothing. After 2 and a half years, I just want this to be it sooooo bad!

I really have tried not to get my hopes up too much but it's not working. I know if this cycle ends in a BFN, I am going to be completely and utterly devastated (and so will Curtis, I think)... I can't help it. I will deal with that when it comes but for now I am optimistic that we will have our July baby.

So I will leave you tonight with a link to my amazing chart... http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/projectbabyp

O has been confirmed!!!!

2009-10-15T17:13:00.002-05:00

So I had my "did I O?" appointment today at 3 and everything looked really good. They are pretty sure I have ovulated from both sides and said Ovidrel was not necessary! OMG I am so excited! I go back on the 30th... If I have gotten a BFP by then, we will do betas. If no BFP and no AF, they will do a test in the office and we will go from there. If I've gotten AF or a BFN, we are done until after the move and the new insurance kicks in.

Curtis got to watch the whole u/s process and was really intrigued... now he's ready to go home and follow the nurse's orders to have lots of sex over the next few days. Stupid school is getting in the way of my baby making!

Well I'm off to take a test so until later... Have a good night!

So that's what that looks like!

2009-10-15T00:21:00.003-05:00

A positive OPK! OMG! I thought I was feeling something weird earlier so I came home from school and immediately peed on an OPK. The test line popped up at about the same time as the control and immediately got darker. I am so excited and trying to stay optimistic. I will know more after my appointment tomorrow! God I hope this works!

Cycle #....

2009-10-08T09:47:00.002-05:00

Hell I lost count a long time ago. I don't know what cycle we are on... #1 (technically, 2) with Clomid and #5 charting. Anyway, I just realized I didn't update after my last "ending this cycle" post.

About a week after that post, AF showed (on her own!) after I had picked up my Prometrium (so that was a nice waste of $25... lol). So anywho, last Friday I went in for my CD2 ultrasound and they said everything looked good and I was to start Clomid the next day (Saturday). So I did... 100mg of Clomid for 5 days. Well that's done.

So now we wait (and have lots of sex... lol) I will start OPKs this weekend and do them probably twice a day until my next appointment (which is a week from today) to see if the Clomid is working. Then we decide if we should move forward with the Ovidrel or not.

There isn't much else going on... still BUSY with school and trying to find work (I'm a substitute teacher). I am working a 1/2 day tomorrow... hopefully more next week! We are still working on getting everything in order with the move, which is approaching more quickly than we realized!

New haircut and color!

2009-10-04T00:18:00.001-05:00

Ok so I made a slideshow of my hair but for some reason I can't get it to play on here. If you click "View all images" it will take you to slideshow on my photobucket! Enjoy!

And so it begins...

2009-09-25T19:18:00.002-05:00

I have decided to give up on this cycle. I sucked at charting and have no idea what's going on. All I know is it's CD34 and I'm ready to move along. So... I filled my script for Prometrium today and I'll test in the AM. If it's a BFN (like I'm sure it will be), I'll pick up my Prometrium and get started with that. Once AF shows, I'll go in for an u/s and start Clomid.

Dr. S is amazing and wants to monitor me VERY closely while I'm on Clomid and there is a chance I will have an Ovidrel injection if things don't progress enough on their own. I'm feeling pretty optimistic and really hoping it only takes one cycle. We only have time to do 2 before the move...

In other news: I had my first sub assignment yesterday at my high school. It was soooo weird to be back in that place on the other side of things. I had 11th and 12th grade English and the kids were absolutely amazing!

An amazing trip!

2009-09-22T09:36:00.004-05:00

It has been such a long few days but totally worth it! We went to Arkansas this weekend and had a blast! Neither of us realized really how much we missed our friends and family... we didn't want to leave at all. It was long and exhausting but I'm so glad we made the trip!

We got to see some amazing friends and got to see Clay for his birthday! We really can't wait to move back... only 3 months (well 4 for me) and we have a lot to do in these 3 months. We finally decided to start treatments and get at least 2 cycles in before the move. I'm trying to wait a few more days to test and if I get a BFN, we will start meds! YAY! I just pray it works one of these 2 times!

Anyway I'm not going to ramble today... instead I will leave you with some pics from the weekend.

Curtis and his boys... he's such a proud daddy!

Me and Alex... poor baby didn't feel good!

My amazing family!!

Me and Clay

Me and my best friend, Amanda!

Another great friend!

Me and Harlee Danielle... such a sweet girl!

7 years...

2009-09-10T10:39:00.003-05:00

7 years ago today we said "Goodbye" to our beautiful angel, Jewel Avery. It was a very tragic accident, one I do not wish upon even my worst enemy. I miss her every day and even after 7 years, my heart still aches for her. Time has slowly healed the hole that was left in my heart when my beautiful cousin was taken too soon from this Earth, but she will NEVER be forgotten.

To this day, I've never met a happier baby and I only pray that, when my time comes, I am so lucky. Jewel was always such a happy, smiling baby... no one could ever forget that amazing little face. It didn't matter how awful my day was... seeing that face smiling up at me always made me forget about it. It didn't matter how sick she was or if she was hurt... you wouldn't know it.

I know that God is taking good care of her and she is in a wonderful place, but my heart still aches for my angel. Please send any extra prayers you have to the Harrison family today... my aunt and uncle are amazing people who did not deserve to have their precious baby taken from them, but somehow it was God's way. I don't understand it and I probably never will but I know He does.

I leave you today with this picture of our angel.... Please don't take life for granted, no matter how crappy it may be at the time.

Jewel Avery 7/2/01-9/10/02

Gone too soon but NEVER forgotten!

Not looking forward to this...

2009-09-09T23:51:00.002-05:00

So... we were planning to go to AR in December when our lease is up here. FAIL. I found out today there isn't a school that my classes will transfer to up there and I won't be done with school until February. So then we thought we would just stay here on a month-to-month lease until I get out of school. DOUBLE FAIL. If we do that, they jack our rent up about $300 more than we are already paying... I don't think so.

The plan now? Curtis will go to AR in Dec. as planned when our lease is up. What about me? Well I get the joy of staying behind without my hubby for 2 months to finish school. I am going to stay with a friend while I finish school, then join him in Arkansas. I am so upset about having to do this... we have NEVER been apart for more than 1 night. I know it will work out and it is for the best but it is still tearing us both up. We will be able to visit each other when we have time between work and school but it will definitely suck to go to bed alone every night. Yes, I am whining but I think I'm allowed for now.

As for TTC, I have SUCKED at charting this cycle. I don't think I've temped in like a week... I did have some crazy EWCM a few days ago (which I've never had) and we took advantage of it with some Pre-Seed so maybe that will do the trick. I haven't really even thought about TTC with all this move stuff going on. I am upset because I know we are going to lose our insurance in a few months... I am a mess.

I know this will all work out for the best and we will be back on track eventually. I just keep praying... that's all I can do for now.

Tough decision to make...

2009-09-05T23:09:00.002-05:00

After a long talk with Curtis tonight, we are really considering going back to Arkansas. We have many reasons for this decision but nothing is final yet and it is going to require a lot more thought and many more discussions.

Our biggest and most important factor is the kids. We have not seen the boys since Christmas (well, I haven't seen Alex since Thanksgiving) and it is KILLING us. We hate that we can't be with them more often and it's not fair to them at all.

We moved to Texas hoping for a fresh start and better oppurtunities and it just doesn't seem to be any different. I wasn't all that happy in Arkansas but I think the biggest thing was our financial situation. That has changed dramatically since we moved because we both made changes in our lives and the way we manage our money. The issue wasn't the location; it was us. We both have career oppurtunities now and if we go back, Curtis can finally reach his dream of being in law enforcement.... the job is basically being handed to him now as it is. I can get back into real estate up there, which is ultimately what I want to do. I think we moved here very hastily without considering a lot of options... I wanted to come "home" so that's what we did but it just has not been what I thought it would be at all.

Another big thing pulling us back are our friends. This may seem ridiculous to some since friends can be made anywhere but that hasn't been the case. In Arkansas, we have some of the best friends people could hope for... here we don't have that. We have people who are "friends" when they want something from us or when it's convenient for them... here we have aquaintences... not real friends. There we have friends who would do anything for us at any time and genuniely care and we would do the same for them.

The biggest drawback at this point is our insurance. Our insurance with Curtis' job is amazing and if we move, we will lose our insurance which means TTC goes on hold, yet again and I REALLY don't want to do that anymore. Hopefully I will get KU soon... lol.

We agreed when we made this move that if things didn't work out within a year, we would talk about going back... so that's what we are doing. We have a lot to think about and still many more discussions. Nothing has been decided yet and won't be for sometime still... we do know we aren't going anywhere until I get out of school in February. It will most likely be next summer before we do go, if we do.

I will keep you updated...

I never thought this would be so hard!

2009-08-27T11:40:00.003-05:00

**Disclaimer: This is a total pity party with lots of whining!**

So I had a complete meltdown last night after talking to one of my closest friends about baby stuff. He is dating a girl that is due any day now (not his baby) and he is so excited though and he is wonderful with kids but after the 3rd day of hearing nothing but baby this and baby that, I just lost it... and my wonderful husband picked up the pieces. I know this sounds ridiculous to most but here lately, it seems like everywhere I turn there are new babies or new mommies anxiously awaiting their little one and I guess I had just had enough last night.

It just seems so unfair that everyone around us is getting EXACTLY what we want most and I don't understand. I never even imagined it would be this hard... never even thought about infertility... that won't happen to me, right? Wrong... very wrong. I know it's just PCOS and I am still able to conceive but it just seems so out of reach sometimes.

And who the fuck says they will kill themself if they are pregnant?! Yes, someone said this to me last night... All I have to say to that is if you don't want a child USE PROTECTION. Don't expect me to feel sorry for your "mistake" because your mistake would be a BLESSING for me (and many other women).

I also need to apologize to my wonderful husband... I know you of all people understand what I/we am going through and I'm sorry I accussed you of not understanding in the midst of my meltdown last night. I love you more than anything in this world and I know that when the time is right, we will receive our blessing... I just don't understand why it has to be so hard. In the meantime, I have 2 amazing stepsons that I love and would do anything for.

I know I have readers and close friends that are pregnant or are new mommies and let me just say that I am very happy for you! I feel so stupid for being jealous or angry... I just don't understand. I know my time will come but I just feel like after 2 years and watching everyone I know get what I want, I'm being punished for something. I want my turn... I want my baby... I want to make my wonderful husband a daddy (again).

I warned you... total bitchfest and like I said, I know it sound ridiculous... I just need to get this out. Ok now it's time for me to get a grip and stop whining... thanks for listening if you made it this far. I will try to keep my composure... I need an outlet... something to occupy my time.

All you can do is try, try again

2009-08-23T12:41:00.002-05:00

And that is what we will do. AF showed up this morning... I actually woke up with her so here we are. Back at the drawing board. I'm ok but I think that's because I know we are getting somewhere. I really saw a difference in my chart, and the way I felt, so I know my body is really trying to get its act together. Which means my BFP is right around the corner... We still have this cycle before we can even think about Clomid so I think we might try OPKs this cycle so I can start to get the hang of them before we do start Clomid, whenever that will be and if I even need it!

Ok I'm rambling, sorry.

Well, well

2009-08-20T23:46:00.004-05:00

What have we here?

So I know to some of you this looks really confusing... so just bear with me and feel free to ask questions. FF says that I am 13dpo... I had a BFN yesterday and a good friend made me promise I wouldn't test again until my temp got over 98 degrees. Well low and behold, I wake up this morning and my temp is 98.29... highest temp I've had while charting.

So here is where we are now... If I have another high temp tomorrow morning, I will test. If not, I won't. I'm pretty sure my body is fvcking with me... again. I know my boobs have NEVER been this sore... EVER! They hurt so bad it is unreal! I really do think they are trying to fall off!

I'll keep you posted!

I think it's time...

2009-08-16T18:11:00.003-05:00

For an update! Sorry I've been a blog slacker!

Ok so let's start with TTC: After much discussion about our financial situation, we have decided to put treatments on hold for a little while. I will continue with Metformin and keep charting... basically natural TTC for now. According to FF, I am 9DPO so I will be most likely be testing Wednesday, at 12DPO. My chart is looking better than it ever has before and my phantom symptoms are creeping up but I'm really trying not to read too much into it. I'm really tired of the heartbreak! So we will see what happens...

School

Me - Class #2 (of 7) if finished! I ended up with a 98 for that class so I'm pretty proud of myself and my 4.0 GPA! Class #3 started Thursday and it seems like it is going to be REALLY boring.
Curtis - He is still doing really well... working on finishing up his 3rd quarter. It's looking like he will have highest honors again so FX'd! The Dean also approached him last week about joining the National Technical Honor Society! I am soooo proud of him!

Life

There isn't much else going on around here... I have been job hunting like crazy but no one wants to hire me in my field because I'm still a student. About half the places I've talked to say "Come see me when you're out of school." gee thanks. But if all else fails, I have a meeting with the school district on Sept. 11th to be a sub for the semester, til I finish school. I have also been slacking on my weight loss so I've really got to get back on it this week. I've been thinking about checking out the 30DS.

Ok well that's really all I've got for now. Wow our life is pretty boring, huh? I promise, I will *try* to be a better blogger...

Results are in!

2009-08-04T10:32:00.002-05:00

This is going to be long... just a warning.

Yesterday was crazy! I thought I had a 10:30 am appointment with my RE to get our results but someone screwed up and scheduled me at the wrong office. So I had to go to the main office at 3:45 as a work-in and wait... I didn't actually get to see my RE until 5:40pm. But she was very apologetic for the mix-up (and the wait)... I really like her! And we will call her Dr. S now...

We will start with Curtis' S/A... everything was perfect! 97 million/ml, 4% abnormal.... everything is good with him. So now me - my HSG was all clear but my BW is where the results really came from. My cholesterol is a little high, TSH was normal... testosterone was high, LH and FSH are backwards - all consistent with PCOS. My insulin was pretty good though.

So now the plan: Well first, she gave me some prenatal samples because my PNV was making me sick. Dr. S wants me to start metformin this week... 2 pills twice a day but starting it in steps (start with one pill and increase weekly until I'm up to 4 pills). After one FULL cycle of met, we will start clomid. Dr. S is starting me on 50mg twice a day for 5 days, days 3-7. She wants me to have an "early cycle u/s" and another u/s about CD 14-17 (possibly another 5-7 days later if we don't see anything on the CD14-17 one). Depending on follicle development, I may get an injection of Ovidrel to help the egg along. If nothing happens, we will increase the dose. I will also start OPKs during all this and continue charting.

Dr. S said my egg reserve is very good and I'm at a pretty high risk for ovarian hyperstimulation so she is going to monitor me pretty closely. I'm still pretty optimistic and beyond thrilled to have a real plan!

Hm... I don't think I left anything out. Oh, other than the fact that Dr. S hugged me when I got ready to leave... totally random and caught me off guard! lol

I can't even think of a title...

2009-07-29T20:32:00.002-05:00

That's how bored I am tonight. I've gotten too used to being in school but I didn't have class tonight (and may not tomorrow either). It's a nice little break but I'm not used to being home all day and all night... this is weird.

Anyway, moving on. There isn't much going on these days... we finished all our testing and are just waiting on our follow-up. We go in Monday, Aug 3rd to get all our results and figure out where we are headed next in our journey. I finally quit smoking completely and have been averaging about 2-3 caffeinated drinks a week. I don't really crave sweet tea anymore... I want water more and more but my weight loss is kinda slacking. I got rid of the smoking so now I will focus more on my diet and loosing the weight.

I am anxious for the next step.

2 in a row

2009-07-18T00:02:00.002-05:00

Holy crap... 2 months in a row AF has shown on her own! And only at 34 days this time... yup that's right. I had a 34 day cycle with NO meds! I just can't believe it. Except the hag HAD to show when I was at the movies with nothing! So anyway... I began testing this cycle as planned. I had my CD3 fasting bloodwork today. Let me just put emphasis on the word FASTING... I am not a nice woman when I can't have anything to drink when I wake up, not to mention the fact that B/W on an empty stomach is not fun. I stood up and the room started spinning. But the nurse that did it was really good. She stuck me with a big needle first and the vein wasn't cooperating so she switched to a butterfly and got all 6 viles pretty quickly. Anyway, I will have my HSG Wednesday morning at 9:30 and I am extremely nervous about it! I have to be there at 8:30 to check in then my RE will perform the HSG about 9:30. Curtis is also making his deposit next week... he's not happy about it but he will live.

I did pretty well with my diet... I didn't stick to it 100% but I did well. In fact, I'm down 7 pounds since my RE appt on the 7th.

As for school... I finished my first class Monday and started #2 on Wednesday. 1 down, 6 to go. I currently have a 4.0 (made a 100 in the 1st class) and perfect attendance! YAY GO ME!

Time for a new me...

2009-07-13T00:34:00.002-05:00

God willing, I smoked my last cigarette tonight. I've said this before and always cave and buy more but I did really well today (and all week for that matter). I need to be done... I've been saying this forever but all I can think about is how much money I'm blowing and the damage I'm doing to my body and our unborn children. It's time. I can do this and I will!

But that's not the only change I'm making. I am starting the South Beach Diet tomorrow morning... it sounds like it will be a difficult transition but something has to be done. I have about 30 pounds that I want to lose... and losing some weight will really help with the PCOS, thus only helping our chances of conception.

As of right now, all these major changes to my lifestyle seem impossible but I know they are not. It just takes some self control and motivation... 2 things I seem to have lost. As I said before, I CAN AND I WILL!

I'll keep you updated...

A long road...

2009-07-07T14:18:00.004-05:00

Well we met with our RE this morning... she's great! I really think I'm going to like her... she was very upfront about everything and seems to know what she's talking about. The office is huge... once you get past the waiting area, it's like a giant maze! We sat in her office for about 25 minutes and talked about our history and all that fun stuff. Then she said "Well, I'm thinking PCOS but we are going to do an ultrasound and see what's going on"

The Diagnosis:
We went to the u/s room where she informed me we would be doing a vaginal u/s and I needed to strip from the waistdown and empty my bladder. The u/s wasn't bad... a little uncomfortable while she was trying to find what she was looking for. After she took the measurements she needed, she turned the screen around to show me my ovaries. I looked at the screen and she said "See, there are your ovaries. See those black spots? Those are cysts... what I'm looking at now is textbook PCOS." By the way, Curtis was in the room for all of this... he saw it all before I did.

The Treatment:
The plan is for me to end this cycle with Prometrium and start testing. I will have CD3 bloodwork done and an HSG shortly thereafter. Curtis is also going to have an S/A (semen analysis) done during the time I'm having my testing done (which he is THRILLED about lol). I was also instructed to make drastic changes to my diet to help the PCOS. Once the tests are all done, I will go back for another appointment with the doctor to go over the results and we will go from there. She said we will probably try Clomid again (with monitoring) and Metformin.

I was pretty much expecting PCOS... I have all the symptoms. But, hearing her say the words kinda felt like a slap in the face. I know it's treatable and we can still conceive and I'm glad we have a diagnosis but it doesn't make it any easier. I am happy to have a plan but I feel like this will be a long road to success.

Covered in ash...

2009-07-06T08:24:00.003-05:00

That's the best way to describe my family when they got to my house yesterday afternoon. Yesterday started out like any normal Sunday... Curtis was at work and I was cleaning house... until I got a text from my younger sister. She wanted to come over (as usual) and when I told her she had to wait til I was done cleaning, her reply was "Well ok but our house is on fire" WHHHAAATTTT????!!

I began frantically trying to call my parents, who of course weren't answering because they are trying to put their house out. I finally got a hold of them and my dad confirmed that, yes, the house had caught on fire and my mom was bringing my 2 younger sisters, my little brother, and their dog to my house for the time being.

Apparently, the fire was caused by the grill falling over. We think when it fell over, the coals smoldered under the deck until they just couldn't take it anymore and went up in flames (they were still hot from grilling on the 4th). Yesterday afternoon my family was all sitting at home when they heard a loud bang that sounded like breaking glass. My dad went to check on my youngest brother and see if one of the other kids had knocked a picture of the wall. As he made his way back down the hallway, the hall smoke alarm went off. My dad opened his bedroom door and was smoke just came pouring out. He shut the door and ran around back while yelling at my mom that there was a fire. Dad started trying to put the fire out while mom got the kids out of the house and called 911. The breaking glass sound he heard was his bedroom window busting out from the fire. The fire department came and were able to put the fire out and kept it pretty well under control, but the fire was already making its way to the attic, which means in another 5 minutes, their house would've burned down. It did, however, burn all the electrical wires to the outside wall (the fire started right by the electrical box) so their gas and electric have been shut off until they get an electrician assess the damage and most likely rewire the house to prevent any accidents.

Because of the electrical stuff, the house is not liveable so they are staying with me for now. Well, everyone except my sisters and the dog, who are with other family.... my one bedroom apartment just is not big enough for the 6 of them AND their dog! lol. I love my family and I am very thankful everyone is ok. The scary reality is that had the fire happened an hour earlier or an hour later, I could've lost my parents yesterday. Everyone is ok... just a little shaken up. Hayden (the youngest) is probably the most freaked out... he keeps asking if the fire is out and was afraid my apartment was going to catch on fire last night.

Here are a few pictures of the damage... I could only take pics outside because I couldn't see inside since there was no power and it was almost dark outside.

This was the deck. The open window is my parents room

More of the deck and my parents room

This table used to sit on the deck under my parent's window.

Burned part of the deck

Wow... it's almost time!

2009-07-04T23:30:00.003-05:00

And I have soooo many emotions running through me. The "time" I am referring to, as many of you know, is time for my trip to the RE. Only 2 full days stand between me and my quest for answers on this TTC journey. I am anxious and nervous and scared and just overall, optimisitc. After 2 long years of trying to become a mommy, I'm ready to find out what the hold up is and how to best proceed down this path. I love my husband more than I could ever explain and I'm ready to add to our family and I see the look in his eyes that says he is ready to be a daddy again. I've never been so sure about anything in my life as I am about wanting to be a mom.

Well enough about that... School is going really well. I am proud of myself and feel like this is finally where I belong. I can't believe my first class is almost over... only one more full week then it's on to the next class! I don't expect these next 6 months to be easy but it will be sooooo worth it in the end.

I hope everyone has had an amazing Independence Day! We had a pretty good night. Curtis had to work until 6, then we went to my parents for dinner and to watch fireworks. I will update sometime Tuesday (hopefully before school) as to the status of my doctor appoitment!

It takes work...

2009-06-26T08:38:00.004-05:00

Well my first 2 weeks of school went well! Since I have had this all before, I feel like I am way ahead of the rest of the class... I have still been very busy studying and doing homework. And last night it paid off when I was a 100 on my first exam!

As for Curtis, he really has no idea how proud of him I am! Since going back to school, he has worked his butt off and it is paying off. His program is divided into 3 month quarters (instead of semesters). Once a new quarter starts, the school does an awards ceremony from the previous quarter and for the 2nd qtr in a row, Curtis has received Highest Honors and this time he got Perfect Attendance (which he should have gotten last time but he was 15 minutes late one day).

I don't expect this is to come easily and we are both working very hard. Going back to school has been an oppurtunity for a 2nd chance and fixing so many things we did wrong the first time around and we are taking full advantage of that.

In other news...

I am still waiting to O so no TTC update right now. My RE appointment is quickly approaching though! Curtis had a dentist appointment Wednesday for his bad tooth and it looks like he is going to have to have more work than we planned on. He goes back on the 6th to have the bad one pulled and we will go from there.

Things are very different around here lately. Our relationship has been stronger than it has been in a long time. We are working together more on things around the house and overall, we are just closer as a couple. Everything is finally starting to fall into place and I am very grateful for that!

Fresh start

2009-06-12T12:46:00.002-05:00

After a 21 day LP and a 61 day cycle, AF came on her own yesterday. No medication needed!!! This is the first time in a year and a half I haven't had to take Provera to induce AF! I would have much rather had a BFP but this is good too... So I will continue to take Vitex and will be trying Evening Primrose Oil and probably Pre-Seed this cycle, along with a possible BD marathon. I haven't decided completely yet though... I may just stick with the Vitex and see what the doctor has to say next month.

I had orientation for school last night and will be starting class Monday evening. My graduation date is March 16, 2010 WOOHOO! I am excited, nervous and anxious all at the same time mainly because I don't know what to expect from this program.

Curtis is doing well with balancing school and work... he ended up with all A's again last quarter! I am so proud of him!! He loves his job, which is a huge plus... T-Mobile has been a great company to work for thus far and they really seem to take care of their employees!

Everything is going pretty well here... our fingers are crossed for a March/April baby!

BFP or AF

2009-06-07T11:49:00.002-05:00

Either will do at this point... I would LOVE to have a BFP (of course) but hey, if AF wants to come on her own, I won't bitch. It's been over a year since I've had a non-Provera induced AF so to get her on my own would be a blessing. FF says I am now 17 DPO and I have 3 BFNs to show for it. I'm done testing for now... I'll probably test a couple more times before my doctor's appointment next month if I don't get AF before then but hopefully, she will show up! I've decided to stop obsessing over this (well I'm trying) and see what the RE has to say.

I will be starting school at Texas School of Business next Monday (woohoo!) and Curtis goes back to school this week. Between his work schedule, school for both of us and me babysitting, it's going to be pretty tiring around here but all very worth it! We still aren't sure when (or if) we will get the kids this summer... I'm pretty upset about that. I miss the boys soooo much!!

Emotional Rollercoaster

2009-05-30T13:33:00.002-05:00

I'm a mess! For the last week, I have been an emotional mess... I go from being perfectly happy to pissed off to upset and back to pissed off in about 5 minutes. I don't know what's going on but it's really exhausting! Poor Curtis... he is trying so hard to be patient with me but I know this is wearing on him quickly. I feel so bad but I don't know what to do. =(

I tested Thursday morning - BFN but FF moved my CHs so now I'm only 9DPO instead of 14 so we will see what happens. If my temps stay up, I plan to test again probably Tuesday (12DPO). Tuesday is also my late Papaw's birthday... maybe I can give him a happy birthday present... or he will give me one (depending on how you look at it). I know he is watching out for me... I miss him sooooo very much! Ok not sure I got on that tangent but back to reality. I have been having quite a few symptoms but who knows... my body may just be playing tricks on me. If that's the case, it can stop anytime now!

8DPO

2009-05-24T13:37:00.002-05:00

And BF-freakin-N! I knew it would be... I'm so used to only seeing one line, I was prepared for it. I still had hope... I have been having some really weird feelings ine my ute area for the last couple days. I know I'm not out until AF actually shows so we will see what happens... I will just be happy if she does show. I have an appointment with an RE coming up soon so even if I don't get a BFP, maybe will know what's going on soon!

In other news, Curtis' new job is going great!! He really enjoys it so that makes it that much better! The store he will be at finally opened today so he has been working like crazy the last 2 days to get it set up and ready but for some reason, their internet isn't working so they still can't function. They are at a kiosk in the mall and there is another store on the other side of the mall so they are sending customers to that store for now so the company isn't losing business. I just think it's stupid that they are "open" when they can't funtion... whatever I'm just glad he's working!

Where are you July?

2009-05-18T15:03:00.002-05:00

Yes I am looking forward to July already... I have an RE appointment July 7th at 11am!! I am excited/anxious... I went ahead and made the appointment today and I'm glad I did. When I called, the lady told me the next available appointment wasn't until June 15th! We are waiting on insurance now... that's why I made the appointment so far out but I would not have been a happy camper to have to wait a month longer! lol I am just sooooo ready to get some answers because my chart sure as hell isn't providing any.... it looks like a trainwreck! I think Curtis is a little freaked out by all this though... we have talked about it but now that it's happening, he doesn't know what to expect. Plus, he has never had to go down this road so I think it weirds him out a little.

His new job is going GREAT! The benefits are amazing and he really seems to like it there! One of our friends from AR came to visit last week and we had a really good time but he did not want to go back home last night... poor guy! We did find out we won't be getting the boys this summer as planned... really long story but in short, Curtis' ex-wife is just being a bitch as usual. I feel so bad for Curtis... he is so upset about it but trying not to show it. Hopefully, come next April this won't be an issue anymore.

Otherwise, there isn't much going on around here... just trying to get back to normal (whatever normal is).

Maybe...

2009-05-11T22:50:00.002-05:00

Curtis started his new job today at T-Mobile today!!!! WOOHOO!! There hasn't been much going on around here... just trying to get back to some sort of normalcy. We should have insurance soon so I can go back to the doctor and try to figure out WTH is going on with my body!

Well, that's about it.. we have company this week so I still probably won't update much so until next time...

Tick, tock, tick, tock

2009-05-03T18:26:00.002-05:00

It's just been a waiting game this week... we know Curtis got his job at T-Mobile, we know where he will be working, we just don't know WHEN he will start. I wish they would hurry up! We need to get this ball rolling already!

I do have an interview tomorrow for an executive assistant position! My fingers are crossed... and my toes lol. This job would be great for us until I get out of school but I am a little concerned about my chances of getting it. I will only be in school 7 months and want to be able to move on to a job in my field when I get out and the position I am interviewing for is a permenant kind of job. I plan to go in there and give it all I've got and hope and pray for the best!

School has been insane this week with finals! Friday was my Microbiology lab final and this Friday is the class final. I also have an A&P lab final this week, the class final next Monday, then my Psychology final Thursday... then it's over! Whew this year is flying by! I can't wait until June when we get the kiddos! I miss them sooooo much!

We aren't even talking about my chart... it's on crack or something. I have no idea what's going on with my body and it's driving me insane!

Well after spending all afternoon cleaning our apartment, I'm exhausted and have a headache so I'm going to watch a movie and relax!

2009-04-28T20:29:00.001-05:00

Nothing to see...

2009-04-25T21:50:00.004-05:00

Yea it's been pretty boring in the P household here lately. Curtis and I went to shoot today and I actually hit the target... there's an idea! LOL I've never been good with aim and the "range officer" reminded me of that today. Jerk. We are still waiting on an update from T-Mobile to let Curtis know which store he will be working at... I hate the waiting game.

I am getting back on the diet wagon Monday... I fell off and I'm ready to get back on and get some results! The semester is ALMOST over... only 3 more weeks! Then I get a short break and it's back to school for 8 months. Oh and my body still hates me... I'm hoping todays obnoxious dip was an O dip. Only time will tell.

There has been a new development with the kids this week which I won't get into but it looks like the plan is to start fighting for custody as soon as our lease it up and we can get into a house. Wish us luck! Well that's all I've got for now...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!!!

2009-04-18T14:56:00.003-05:00

Yup that's right. Today, Curtis and I have been married one whole year. Holy crap!!! Where the hell has this year gone? I love him so much! We aren't doing anything today. The weather is nasty and we are both enjoying a quiet Saturday at home. We haven't decided if we are going out to eat or if we are going to cook together... I guess we should lol.

I know - it has been 10 days since my last update. Where the hell have I been, right? BUSY! Last weekend, FIL was here and it was Easter. Monday night I had a test, Tuesday FIL left and I had another test. Now we are getting ready for finals time... that much closer to starting the program at TSB! WOOHOO! Oh and for those that were wondering, we sold the motorcycle.

Curtis got the job at T-Mobile!!! He got an email that basically said he would have an official offer next week because they are trying to decide which store to put him at because they have hired a bunch of new people for a bunch of stores in the area. I don't really care... when does he start? LOL We are very excited! It's about time some good luck came our way!

My chart is on crack. Not even joking... I decided to merge the 2 cycles together after I decided that weird bleeding spell was midcycle bleeding. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't but I'm still new at this. I'm optimistic for now... Merging the cycles still didn't give me CHs but based on when I'm almost 100% sure I O'd, I'm 7DPO today. I'm trying to hold out until the 25th to test... too bad my "phantom symptoms" are getting the best of me sometimes. I keep questioning every little thing based on all the BFP symptoms I've heard... I know, I know better but I can't help it. We shall see next week....

I will try to be better about updating this week...

Happy Birthday to me!!!!

2009-04-08T23:46:00.002-05:00

Yup today was my 22nd birthday! The day was much better than I thought it was going to be. Originally, Curtis was supposed to work but he got sent home early so I was happy. I was supposed to have lunch with my mom but my aunt conned her into babysitting so she gave me money and me and Curtis went to eat and had the most AMAZING lunch! Thanks mom! Then we went to walk around the mall for a while and came home since we both had class tonight. Overall it was a very good day! Oh I forgot about my meltdown because I couldn't find my "Kiss Me, It's My Birthday" pin that I've had for 4 years... very sad time.

We decided the end of last week to sell our motorcycle so Monday I posted it on Ebay and Craiglist and have had so many hits off CL from it (none on Ebay though). We actually spoke to a guy today that is very serious about it and wants to get together Saturday to buy it so YAY!!!! Curtis has 2 job interviews tomorrow so our fingers and toes are crossed tight for good news from at least one of them!

My FIL will be here Saturday to spend the weekend with us so that should be fun... overall this week has already been MUCH better than last so I am hopeful for a positive turnaround. Well I'm outta here for tonight... until next time

Families can be a real PITA!

2009-04-05T21:33:00.002-05:00

I knew our amazing weekend was too good to be true... thanks mom (and aunt and drama seeking friend). I won't go into great detail but basically somehow it got miscontrued that Curtis is inconveinced by my family. This is not at all the case but whatever. What's done is done and I will clean up the mess but I am also going to grow a spine and stand up to my mom. I have always let my mom tell me what to do and let her pull the guilt trip card so she could get her way and I'm done. I have a new family now and while I love my parents and will never ever push them away, it's time for them to understand that and they can respect it or not. I will be very upset if this puts a wedge between us but I'm not going to be taken advantage of anymore. Maybe I'm being rash but everything that happened today only happened because my mom thinks she can control everyone. I love my husband and he is right in this situation and I will stand behind that. My mom is going to have to understand that respect is a 2-way street and frankly I don't think she respects anyone but herself sometimes.

We had a great visit with new friends that I am very grateful for. I think we have built amazing friendships this weekend and I can't wait to see where it goes. Next weekend, my FIL will be here so that should be fun. This will be his first time here and it's my birthday weekend but after next weekend, I will be ready for a quiet weekend at home (with no company). I love having people to visit but 2 weekends in a row is almost pushing it! lol

Minus the family drama, things are great with me and Curtis. I think fell in love with him all over again this weekend... he has been so sweet and helpful and just overall amazing. He does have 2 interviews this week (which I think I've already mentioned) and we are praying with everything we've got in us that at least one of them pulls through. We could definitely use some good luck and some pick-me-up... Oh and after failing miserably with our diet this last week (and especially this weekend), it's time to get back on track!! Until next time.....

I fell behind this week...

2009-04-03T23:49:00.002-05:00

I haven't updated since Monday... what is wrong with me?! This week has been pretty boring. AF sucked horribly! I had the worst cramps and backache this week and I am attributing that to the m/c. My Vitex should be here any day now so I am hoping that will work. I am glad that AF was only here a full 5 days and wasn't all that heavy.

I did have a meltdown this afternoon when my BFF informed me that she might be pg with #3... it just stings to hear about and I had a "Why not me?!" moment. I wish them the best and I know when it is our time, God will bless us with a baby of our own.

Curtis has 2 interviews next week; one at UPS on Tuesday and one at T-Mobile (but I don't know what day). I am keeping everything crossed and praying at least one of them turns into a new job. Speaking of jobs, I am still waiting to hear back from Einsteins... if they don't call this weekend, I will call them Monday morning.

We have company this weekend so it will be pretty busy but I'll post an update as soon as I have one! A little prayer for some good luck would be much appreciated!!!!!

Never been so happy to see AF!

2009-03-30T20:21:00.002-05:00

FINALLY! CD1! After 78 days, a full round of Provera and 4 more days of waiting, AF has arrived! I have never in my life been so happy to see blood! I will start temping tomorrow morning and have a chart to obsess over...

In other news, my "working interview" went well last night! I was supposed to be shadowing and ended up having my own section. My trainer said I should hear from someone in a couple days about my official start date. Curtis didn't do so well on his A+ test today and I feel so bad for him! He was confident and studied his butt off but he said the test was really hard. He will just have to study more and retake it.

Working Interview

2009-03-29T16:21:00.006-05:00

(Mom, Dad, Curtis & Me)

I have a working/training interview tonight at the bar I interviewed at the other day before they make a final decision. Basically, they want to see how I work before they hire me. I have to be in at 8 and she said I should be done between 10 and 11. I am excited... we need some good news.

We went out last night for my mom's birthday... we had a good time but we drove WAAAAYYY to far to do it. My dad works in Conroe (about an hour and a half away) and that's where most of his friends are so they wanted to go there for my mom's b-day. It's just too far to go drink then have to drive home. Fortunately, we rode with my aunt and uncle and didn't have to drive. Despite the drive, most everyone had a great time which was the goal.

Curtis has been studying like crazy for this A+ test tomorrow... wish him luck! Otherwise, I'm just enjoying my Sunday - relaxing at home with Curtis until time for this training interview... I hope it goes well! Oh, and in case you were interested, still no sign of AF and I finished the Provera a few days ago... still waiting....

This is my mom, me and my aunt... we were all pretty intoxicated.

A+

2009-03-27T23:25:00.002-05:00

Ok so the interview went great... the woman seemed to really like me so I'm just waiting. She said they needed to hire a couple new waitresses and would be making their decision this weekend. Hopefully I will know something by Monday.

Curtis scheduled his A+ certification exam (computer stuff) for Monday... 2 days from now. I have faith in him... he seems to really know his stuff and he has been studying his butt off for it (not that he had much of one to begin with). We are hoping once he passes it, he will be able to find a good/decent job!

I'm am *still* waiting for AF. I finished the Provera last night so now AF has 14 days to show her face before we move on to Plan B. I just hope she shows soon... However, I have decided to try Vitex. I will be getting some in the next couple days to start on the new cycle. Well I'm headed to bed... I have to work tomorrow and we are going out tomorrow night for my mom's birthday. Should be fun!

Wish me luck!

2009-03-26T23:28:00.003-05:00

I have an interview tomorrow morning at 9am! It's at a bar but will be more money than where I'm at now... which is always a good thing! Wish me luck... God knows we are due for a little good luck!

There is not much else going on around here... but I will update sometime tomorrow on the interview news!

So stressed

2009-03-26T00:23:00.002-05:00

I am not going to post all the details as to not air *all* my dirty laundry on the internet but things are just not going our way lately! When it rains, it pours and, well I think the whole effing sky fell out on me today!

I have had an amazing shoulder to lean on and I thank you so much (you know who you are)! I'm sure you are getting pretty tired of listening to me bitch and moan but I'm hoping things will turn around very soon!

On another note, Curtis is doing amazing with our diet... he has already lost about 15 pounds! Me... well I'm not doing bad but the weight isn't coming off as fast for me as it is for him lol.

I'm still waiting *not so patiently* on AF. I'm sure all the stress isn't helping but she needs to come on seriously! Well I'm headed to bed for tonight... *dreams of good luck coming my way*

Holy crampage!

2009-03-24T22:44:00.002-05:00

I hope this means AF is on her way! I am on day 7 of Provera and just ready to get this cycle going.

Our diet is going really well... just tweaking my diet a little. My goal is 105 pounds... 33 to go.

In other news, the job with Sprint fell through because they are closing stores... stupid economy. We were so close... now we just have to work on getting his A+ certification. There isn't much going on around here... just trying to lose some weight and keep up with school.