What's this?

Just a warning that this will probably be pretty long...

1) What's this blog thing? - Yes I know I have been a horrible blogger. Things have been soo insane for us. We started our move Thanksgiving week and spent a week in Arkansas. It was sooo nice to be able to unwind! We went up there a day early but didn't tell anyone except our best friends and FIL. We were able to have a whole day to just relax and lay low without 50 people wanting us to come see them. We had a great visit and were even able to have the boys for a few days :)

2) What's this chaos and when will it end?! - Moving out of our apartment has been an adventure. We decided it would be less hectic to put everything in storage until time for me to go to Arkansas so Curtis doesn't have to deal with all that by himself. So he was here for 2 days and we got all the furniture moved to storage and I have been working on the cleaning and taking the rest of stuff to storage before school. It has just been so freakin busy!

3) What's this crap all about? - So you may remember my bitch fest about my school drama... 2 months ago, I was told I could do my externship in AR so I could be with my husband sooner. Well now that's the time has come to do all that, I have been told I cannot do my extern is AR so I will be here for another 4 weeks without Curtis. I know I need to finish this and it will make things so much better for us in the long run. *sigh* It will all work out.

4) (and I saved this one for last because typing it just might make me cry again) What's this huge empty feeling I have?? - Curtis left Wednesday afternoon to go back to AR to get his job going and get ready to go back to school. I have to say saying good-bye to him is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I know I will see him again in a few weeks but it is still so hard. I miss him so very much already. Honestly, I do believe this break will help us so much and will make us stronger but it still hurts so much to not have him here. I didn't realize just how much we do together and how much we depend on each other until he was gone. He is my rock and I really do love him with every fiber of my being. I've had a few pretty big meltdowns but it's getting easier and I pray these 17 days fly by!!!

I'm staying with a friend for now and I promise to try to update more often!! Sorry this was so long!

Got INK?

I DO!!! I got my first tattoo last Saturday (11-7-09) and I LOVE it!!


Story behind the ink: You may remember my beautiful angel, Jewel, my cousin who passed away at 14 months. Well, this little beauty also gave me my nickname - Insy. She could not say "Lindsey" so she called me "Insy" and it just stuck. On a whim, Curtis drew a picture one night that I fell in love with. He never imagined it would go on my body.


So here it is......

The picture....

The ink... (on my upper back)

What a week!

Well since my last post, Curtis and I have decided to cut off all treatments until after the move. It was a hard decision but I'm really ok with it... we just have so much other stuff going on, we decided it would be best. We are by no means TTA and will be beyond thrilled if we are blessed with a little miracle between now and whenever the time comes to start treatments again.

We are also dealing with A LOT of drama from his ex-wife... she is such a nightmare but is quickly burying herself and I will happily give her the shovel. I am just so fed up with her!

School is going by so quickly (thank God!)... I finish class #5 (of 7) Thursday night and am so excited. It's almost over!!! I have been getting a lot of packing done and am just ready to get this move over with!!

New cycle, new options

Well I woke up with AF this morning I had an appointment with my RE to discuss the next cycle and had my baseline u/s. We talked with Dr. S about how to approach our next (and last) cycle. We discussed Clomid and decided we would stay at 100mg since that worked last time. Then she threw a curveball at us.

She said, since this is our last cyle before the move, we have the option of doing an IUI. Neither of us were expecting this and aren't real sure how we feel about it yet.

We will start Clomid on CD3 then OPKs about CD12. I go back in for a follie scan on CD14 (last cycle we did CD15 and I had already O'd so she wants to try to catch it before O to see what we are working with). We will decide before then if we will go forward with the IUI or leave it to Clomid.

I have also been an emotional mess.. I was so angry this morning and now I've just been crying off and on all day. I knew better than to get my hopes up so high!

Oh and do I dare even touch on my insurance company right now? My dr's office said, if we go with the IUI route, it would be covered at a $25 co-pay and my insurance is telling me its covered at 85/15. Make up my FVCKING mind!!

One lonely line

That's what I saw this morning when I tested at 10dpo. I knew better... I knew it would be too early but I did it anyway (partially because of the huge temp jump I had this morning). I am just so hopeful this cycle but that one little line kinda crushed those hopes. I said I wouldn't be upset if I got a BFN this morning because it's so early but I still was.

So now I will be smart and wait til 12 or 13 dpo to test again. Curtis was so sweet when I told him it was a BFN. He said "Well honey, you knew it was too early and that this was a possibility. What if you never get a + on an HPT? Just wait a few days and try again... AF isn't here yet... it's not over" I love my husband!

Friday is our appointment to discuss the "results" of this cycle with Dr. S. If I still haven't gotten AF or a BFP, I will request a blood test just to be sure.

And here is a pic of my chart as of today...

Hello Phantom Symptoms!

Ok WTH... I know better than this! I'm only 6dpo and I'm going to drive myself insane. Everything from nausea to sore boobs to off and on cramping to dizzy spells.

I do have to say that my chart isn't helping matters... it is BEAUTIFUL. Unfortunately, I also know that even the most promising charts and phantom symptoms can end up being absolutely nothing. After 2 and a half years, I just want this to be it sooooo bad!

I really have tried not to get my hopes up too much but it's not working. I know if this cycle ends in a BFN, I am going to be completely and utterly devastated (and so will Curtis, I think)... I can't help it. I will deal with that when it comes but for now I am optimistic that we will have our July baby.

So I will leave you tonight with a link to my amazing chart... http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/projectbabyp

O has been confirmed!!!!

So I had my "did I O?" appointment today at 3 and everything looked really good. They are pretty sure I have ovulated from both sides and said Ovidrel was not necessary! OMG I am so excited! I go back on the 30th... If I have gotten a BFP by then, we will do betas. If no BFP and no AF, they will do a test in the office and we will go from there. If I've gotten AF or a BFN, we are done until after the move and the new insurance kicks in.

Curtis got to watch the whole u/s process and was really intrigued... now he's ready to go home and follow the nurse's orders to have lots of sex over the next few days. Stupid school is getting in the way of my baby making!

Well I'm off to take a test so until later... Have a good night!