Friday, December 4, 2009
1) What's this blog thing? - Yes I know I have been a horrible blogger. Things have been soo insane for us. We started our move Thanksgiving week and spent a week in Arkansas. It was sooo nice to be able to unwind! We went up there a day early but didn't tell anyone except our best friends and FIL. We were able to have a whole day to just relax and lay low without 50 people wanting us to come see them. We had a great visit and were even able to have the boys for a few days :)
2) What's this chaos and when will it end?! - Moving out of our apartment has been an adventure. We decided it would be less hectic to put everything in storage until time for me to go to Arkansas so Curtis doesn't have to deal with all that by himself. So he was here for 2 days and we got all the furniture moved to storage and I have been working on the cleaning and taking the rest of stuff to storage before school. It has just been so freakin busy!
3) What's this crap all about? - So you may remember my bitch fest about my school drama... 2 months ago, I was told I could do my externship in AR so I could be with my husband sooner. Well now that's the time has come to do all that, I have been told I cannot do my extern is AR so I will be here for another 4 weeks without Curtis. I know I need to finish this and it will make things so much better for us in the long run. *sigh* It will all work out.
4) (and I saved this one for last because typing it just might make me cry again) What's this huge empty feeling I have?? - Curtis left Wednesday afternoon to go back to AR to get his job going and get ready to go back to school. I have to say saying good-bye to him is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I know I will see him again in a few weeks but it is still so hard. I miss him so very much already. Honestly, I do believe this break will help us so much and will make us stronger but it still hurts so much to not have him here. I didn't realize just how much we do together and how much we depend on each other until he was gone. He is my rock and I really do love him with every fiber of my being. I've had a few pretty big meltdowns but it's getting easier and I pray these 17 days fly by!!!
I'm staying with a friend for now and I promise to try to update more often!! Sorry this was so long!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Story behind the ink: You may remember my beautiful angel, Jewel, my cousin who passed away at 14 months. Well, this little beauty also gave me my nickname - Insy. She could not say "Lindsey" so she called me "Insy" and it just stuck. On a whim, Curtis drew a picture one night that I fell in love with. He never imagined it would go on my body.
So here it is......
The ink... (on my upper back)
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
We are also dealing with A LOT of drama from his ex-wife... she is such a nightmare but is quickly burying herself and I will happily give her the shovel. I am just so fed up with her!
School is going by so quickly (thank God!)... I finish class #5 (of 7) Thursday night and am so excited. It's almost over!!! I have been getting a lot of packing done and am just ready to get this move over with!!
Friday, October 30, 2009
She said, since this is our last cyle before the move, we have the option of doing an IUI. Neither of us were expecting this and aren't real sure how we feel about it yet.
We will start Clomid on CD3 then OPKs about CD12. I go back in for a follie scan on CD14 (last cycle we did CD15 and I had already O'd so she wants to try to catch it before O to see what we are working with). We will decide before then if we will go forward with the IUI or leave it to Clomid.
I have also been an emotional mess.. I was so angry this morning and now I've just been crying off and on all day. I knew better than to get my hopes up so high!
Oh and do I dare even touch on my insurance company right now? My dr's office said, if we go with the IUI route, it would be covered at a $25 co-pay and my insurance is telling me its covered at 85/15. Make up my FVCKING mind!!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
So now I will be smart and wait til 12 or 13 dpo to test again. Curtis was so sweet when I told him it was a BFN. He said "Well honey, you knew it was too early and that this was a possibility. What if you never get a + on an HPT? Just wait a few days and try again... AF isn't here yet... it's not over" I love my husband!
Friday is our appointment to discuss the "results" of this cycle with Dr. S. If I still haven't gotten AF or a BFP, I will request a blood test just to be sure.
And here is a pic of my chart as of today...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I do have to say that my chart isn't helping matters... it is BEAUTIFUL. Unfortunately, I also know that even the most promising charts and phantom symptoms can end up being absolutely nothing. After 2 and a half years, I just want this to be it sooooo bad!
I really have tried not to get my hopes up too much but it's not working. I know if this cycle ends in a BFN, I am going to be completely and utterly devastated (and so will Curtis, I think)... I can't help it. I will deal with that when it comes but for now I am optimistic that we will have our July baby.
So I will leave you tonight with a link to my amazing chart... http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/projectbabyp
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Curtis got to watch the whole u/s process and was really intrigued... now he's ready to go home and follow the nurse's orders to have lots of sex over the next few days. Stupid school is getting in the way of my baby making!
Well I'm off to take a test so until later... Have a good night!
A positive OPK! OMG! I thought I was feeling something weird earlier so I came home from school and immediately peed on an OPK. The test line popped up at about the same time as the control and immediately got darker. I am so excited and trying to stay optimistic. I will know more after my appointment tomorrow! God I hope this works!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
About a week after that post, AF showed (on her own!) after I had picked up my Prometrium (so that was a nice waste of $25... lol). So anywho, last Friday I went in for my CD2 ultrasound and they said everything looked good and I was to start Clomid the next day (Saturday). So I did... 100mg of Clomid for 5 days. Well that's done.
So now we wait (and have lots of sex... lol) I will start OPKs this weekend and do them probably twice a day until my next appointment (which is a week from today) to see if the Clomid is working. Then we decide if we should move forward with the Ovidrel or not.
There isn't much else going on... still BUSY with school and trying to find work (I'm a substitute teacher). I am working a 1/2 day tomorrow... hopefully more next week! We are still working on getting everything in order with the move, which is approaching more quickly than we realized!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Dr. S is amazing and wants to monitor me VERY closely while I'm on Clomid and there is a chance I will have an Ovidrel injection if things don't progress enough on their own. I'm feeling pretty optimistic and really hoping it only takes one cycle. We only have time to do 2 before the move...
In other news: I had my first sub assignment yesterday at my high school. It was soooo weird to be back in that place on the other side of things. I had 11th and 12th grade English and the kids were absolutely amazing!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Jewel Avery 7/2/01-9/10/02
Gone too soon but NEVER forgotten!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The plan now? Curtis will go to AR in Dec. as planned when our lease is up. What about me? Well I get the joy of staying behind without my hubby for 2 months to finish school. I am going to stay with a friend while I finish school, then join him in Arkansas. I am so upset about having to do this... we have NEVER been apart for more than 1 night. I know it will work out and it is for the best but it is still tearing us both up. We will be able to visit each other when we have time between work and school but it will definitely suck to go to bed alone every night. Yes, I am whining but I think I'm allowed for now.
As for TTC, I have SUCKED at charting this cycle. I don't think I've temped in like a week... I did have some crazy EWCM a few days ago (which I've never had) and we took advantage of it with some Pre-Seed so maybe that will do the trick. I haven't really even thought about TTC with all this move stuff going on. I am upset because I know we are going to lose our insurance in a few months... I am a mess.
I know this will all work out for the best and we will be back on track eventually. I just keep praying... that's all I can do for now.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Our biggest and most important factor is the kids. We have not seen the boys since Christmas (well, I haven't seen Alex since Thanksgiving) and it is KILLING us. We hate that we can't be with them more often and it's not fair to them at all.
We moved to Texas hoping for a fresh start and better oppurtunities and it just doesn't seem to be any different. I wasn't all that happy in Arkansas but I think the biggest thing was our financial situation. That has changed dramatically since we moved because we both made changes in our lives and the way we manage our money. The issue wasn't the location; it was us. We both have career oppurtunities now and if we go back, Curtis can finally reach his dream of being in law enforcement.... the job is basically being handed to him now as it is. I can get back into real estate up there, which is ultimately what I want to do. I think we moved here very hastily without considering a lot of options... I wanted to come "home" so that's what we did but it just has not been what I thought it would be at all.
Another big thing pulling us back are our friends. This may seem ridiculous to some since friends can be made anywhere but that hasn't been the case. In Arkansas, we have some of the best friends people could hope for... here we don't have that. We have people who are "friends" when they want something from us or when it's convenient for them... here we have aquaintences... not real friends. There we have friends who would do anything for us at any time and genuniely care and we would do the same for them.
The biggest drawback at this point is our insurance. Our insurance with Curtis' job is amazing and if we move, we will lose our insurance which means TTC goes on hold, yet again and I REALLY don't want to do that anymore. Hopefully I will get KU soon... lol.
We agreed when we made this move that if things didn't work out within a year, we would talk about going back... so that's what we are doing. We have a lot to think about and still many more discussions. Nothing has been decided yet and won't be for sometime still... we do know we aren't going anywhere until I get out of school in February. It will most likely be next summer before we do go, if we do.
I will keep you updated...
Thursday, August 27, 2009
So I had a complete meltdown last night after talking to one of my closest friends about baby stuff. He is dating a girl that is due any day now (not his baby) and he is so excited though and he is wonderful with kids but after the 3rd day of hearing nothing but baby this and baby that, I just lost it... and my wonderful husband picked up the pieces. I know this sounds ridiculous to most but here lately, it seems like everywhere I turn there are new babies or new mommies anxiously awaiting their little one and I guess I had just had enough last night.
It just seems so unfair that everyone around us is getting EXACTLY what we want most and I don't understand. I never even imagined it would be this hard... never even thought about infertility... that won't happen to me, right? Wrong... very wrong. I know it's just PCOS and I am still able to conceive but it just seems so out of reach sometimes.
And who the fuck says they will kill themself if they are pregnant?! Yes, someone said this to me last night... All I have to say to that is if you don't want a child USE PROTECTION. Don't expect me to feel sorry for your "mistake" because your mistake would be a BLESSING for me (and many other women).
I also need to apologize to my wonderful husband... I know you of all people understand what I/we am going through and I'm sorry I accussed you of not understanding in the midst of my meltdown last night. I love you more than anything in this world and I know that when the time is right, we will receive our blessing... I just don't understand why it has to be so hard. In the meantime, I have 2 amazing stepsons that I love and would do anything for.
I know I have readers and close friends that are pregnant or are new mommies and let me just say that I am very happy for you! I feel so stupid for being jealous or angry... I just don't understand. I know my time will come but I just feel like after 2 years and watching everyone I know get what I want, I'm being punished for something. I want my turn... I want my baby... I want to make my wonderful husband a daddy (again).
I warned you... total bitchfest and like I said, I know it sound ridiculous... I just need to get this out. Ok now it's time for me to get a grip and stop whining... thanks for listening if you made it this far. I will try to keep my composure... I need an outlet... something to occupy my time.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Ok I'm rambling, sorry.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
So I know to some of you this looks really confusing... so just bear with me and feel free to ask questions. FF says that I am 13dpo... I had a BFN yesterday and a good friend made me promise I wouldn't test again until my temp got over 98 degrees. Well low and behold, I wake up this morning and my temp is 98.29... highest temp I've had while charting.
So here is where we are now... If I have another high temp tomorrow morning, I will test. If not, I won't. I'm pretty sure my body is fvcking with me... again. I know my boobs have NEVER been this sore... EVER! They hurt so bad it is unreal! I really do think they are trying to fall off!
I'll keep you posted!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Ok so let's start with TTC: After much discussion about our financial situation, we have decided to put treatments on hold for a little while. I will continue with Metformin and keep charting... basically natural TTC for now. According to FF, I am 9DPO so I will be most likely be testing Wednesday, at 12DPO. My chart is looking better than it ever has before and my phantom symptoms are creeping up but I'm really trying not to read too much into it. I'm really tired of the heartbreak! So we will see what happens...
Curtis - He is still doing really well... working on finishing up his 3rd quarter. It's looking like he will have highest honors again so FX'd! The Dean also approached him last week about joining the National Technical Honor Society! I am soooo proud of him!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Yesterday was crazy! I thought I had a 10:30 am appointment with my RE to get our results but someone screwed up and scheduled me at the wrong office. So I had to go to the main office at 3:45 as a work-in and wait... I didn't actually get to see my RE until 5:40pm. But she was very apologetic for the mix-up (and the wait)... I really like her! And we will call her Dr. S now...
We will start with Curtis' S/A... everything was perfect! 97 million/ml, 4% abnormal.... everything is good with him. So now me - my HSG was all clear but my BW is where the results really came from. My cholesterol is a little high, TSH was normal... testosterone was high, LH and FSH are backwards - all consistent with PCOS. My insulin was pretty good though.
So now the plan: Well first, she gave me some prenatal samples because my PNV was making me sick. Dr. S wants me to start metformin this week... 2 pills twice a day but starting it in steps (start with one pill and increase weekly until I'm up to 4 pills). After one FULL cycle of met, we will start clomid. Dr. S is starting me on 50mg twice a day for 5 days, days 3-7. She wants me to have an "early cycle u/s" and another u/s about CD 14-17 (possibly another 5-7 days later if we don't see anything on the CD14-17 one). Depending on follicle development, I may get an injection of Ovidrel to help the egg along. If nothing happens, we will increase the dose. I will also start OPKs during all this and continue charting.
Dr. S said my egg reserve is very good and I'm at a pretty high risk for ovarian hyperstimulation so she is going to monitor me pretty closely. I'm still pretty optimistic and beyond thrilled to have a real plan!
Hm... I don't think I left anything out. Oh, other than the fact that Dr. S hugged me when I got ready to leave... totally random and caught me off guard! lol
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Anyway, moving on. There isn't much going on these days... we finished all our testing and are just waiting on our follow-up. We go in Monday, Aug 3rd to get all our results and figure out where we are headed next in our journey. I finally quit smoking completely and have been averaging about 2-3 caffeinated drinks a week. I don't really crave sweet tea anymore... I want water more and more but my weight loss is kinda slacking. I got rid of the smoking so now I will focus more on my diet and loosing the weight.
I am anxious for the next step.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
I did pretty well with my diet... I didn't stick to it 100% but I did well. In fact, I'm down 7 pounds since my RE appt on the 7th.
As for school... I finished my first class Monday and started #2 on Wednesday. 1 down, 6 to go. I currently have a 4.0 (made a 100 in the 1st class) and perfect attendance! YAY GO ME!
Monday, July 13, 2009
But that's not the only change I'm making. I am starting the South Beach Diet tomorrow morning... it sounds like it will be a difficult transition but something has to be done. I have about 30 pounds that I want to lose... and losing some weight will really help with the PCOS, thus only helping our chances of conception.
As of right now, all these major changes to my lifestyle seem impossible but I know they are not. It just takes some self control and motivation... 2 things I seem to have lost. As I said before, I CAN AND I WILL!
I'll keep you updated...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
We went to the u/s room where she informed me we would be doing a vaginal u/s and I needed to strip from the waistdown and empty my bladder. The u/s wasn't bad... a little uncomfortable while she was trying to find what she was looking for. After she took the measurements she needed, she turned the screen around to show me my ovaries. I looked at the screen and she said "See, there are your ovaries. See those black spots? Those are cysts... what I'm looking at now is textbook PCOS." By the way, Curtis was in the room for all of this... he saw it all before I did.
The plan is for me to end this cycle with Prometrium and start testing. I will have CD3 bloodwork done and an HSG shortly thereafter. Curtis is also going to have an S/A (semen analysis) done during the time I'm having my testing done (which he is THRILLED about lol). I was also instructed to make drastic changes to my diet to help the PCOS. Once the tests are all done, I will go back for another appointment with the doctor to go over the results and we will go from there. She said we will probably try Clomid again (with monitoring) and Metformin.
I was pretty much expecting PCOS... I have all the symptoms. But, hearing her say the words kinda felt like a slap in the face. I know it's treatable and we can still conceive and I'm glad we have a diagnosis but it doesn't make it any easier. I am happy to have a plan but I feel like this will be a long road to success.
Monday, July 6, 2009
I began frantically trying to call my parents, who of course weren't answering because they are trying to put their house out. I finally got a hold of them and my dad confirmed that, yes, the house had caught on fire and my mom was bringing my 2 younger sisters, my little brother, and their dog to my house for the time being.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Well enough about that... School is going really well. I am proud of myself and feel like this is finally where I belong. I can't believe my first class is almost over... only one more full week then it's on to the next class! I don't expect these next 6 months to be easy but it will be sooooo worth it in the end.
I hope everyone has had an amazing Independence Day! We had a pretty good night. Curtis had to work until 6, then we went to my parents for dinner and to watch fireworks. I will update sometime Tuesday (hopefully before school) as to the status of my doctor appoitment!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
I had orientation for school last night and will be starting class Monday evening. My graduation date is March 16, 2010 WOOHOO! I am excited, nervous and anxious all at the same time mainly because I don't know what to expect from this program.
Curtis is doing well with balancing school and work... he ended up with all A's again last quarter! I am so proud of him!! He loves his job, which is a huge plus... T-Mobile has been a great company to work for thus far and they really seem to take care of their employees!
Everything is going pretty well here... our fingers are crossed for a March/April baby!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
I will be starting school at Texas School of Business next Monday (woohoo!) and Curtis goes back to school this week. Between his work schedule, school for both of us and me babysitting, it's going to be pretty tiring around here but all very worth it! We still aren't sure when (or if) we will get the kids this summer... I'm pretty upset about that. I miss the boys soooo much!!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I tested Thursday morning - BFN but FF moved my CHs so now I'm only 9DPO instead of 14 so we will see what happens. If my temps stay up, I plan to test again probably Tuesday (12DPO). Tuesday is also my late Papaw's birthday... maybe I can give him a happy birthday present... or he will give me one (depending on how you look at it). I know he is watching out for me... I miss him sooooo very much! Ok not sure I got on that tangent but back to reality. I have been having quite a few symptoms but who knows... my body may just be playing tricks on me. If that's the case, it can stop anytime now!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
In other news, Curtis' new job is going great!! He really enjoys it so that makes it that much better! The store he will be at finally opened today so he has been working like crazy the last 2 days to get it set up and ready but for some reason, their internet isn't working so they still can't function. They are at a kiosk in the mall and there is another store on the other side of the mall so they are sending customers to that store for now so the company isn't losing business. I just think it's stupid that they are "open" when they can't funtion... whatever I'm just glad he's working!
Monday, May 18, 2009
His new job is going GREAT! The benefits are amazing and he really seems to like it there! One of our friends from AR came to visit last week and we had a really good time but he did not want to go back home last night... poor guy! We did find out we won't be getting the boys this summer as planned... really long story but in short, Curtis' ex-wife is just being a bitch as usual. I feel so bad for Curtis... he is so upset about it but trying not to show it. Hopefully, come next April this won't be an issue anymore.
Otherwise, there isn't much going on around here... just trying to get back to normal (whatever normal is).
Monday, May 11, 2009
Well, that's about it.. we have company this week so I still probably won't update much so until next time...
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I do have an interview tomorrow for an executive assistant position! My fingers are crossed... and my toes lol. This job would be great for us until I get out of school but I am a little concerned about my chances of getting it. I will only be in school 7 months and want to be able to move on to a job in my field when I get out and the position I am interviewing for is a permenant kind of job. I plan to go in there and give it all I've got and hope and pray for the best!
School has been insane this week with finals! Friday was my Microbiology lab final and this Friday is the class final. I also have an A&P lab final this week, the class final next Monday, then my Psychology final Thursday... then it's over! Whew this year is flying by! I can't wait until June when we get the kiddos! I miss them sooooo much!
We aren't even talking about my chart... it's on crack or something. I have no idea what's going on with my body and it's driving me insane!
Well after spending all afternoon cleaning our apartment, I'm exhausted and have a headache so I'm going to watch a movie and relax!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
I am getting back on the diet wagon Monday... I fell off and I'm ready to get back on and get some results! The semester is ALMOST over... only 3 more weeks! Then I get a short break and it's back to school for 8 months. Oh and my body still hates me... I'm hoping todays obnoxious dip was an O dip. Only time will tell.
There has been a new development with the kids this week which I won't get into but it looks like the plan is to start fighting for custody as soon as our lease it up and we can get into a house. Wish us luck! Well that's all I've got for now...
Saturday, April 18, 2009
I know - it has been 10 days since my last update. Where the hell have I been, right? BUSY! Last weekend, FIL was here and it was Easter. Monday night I had a test, Tuesday FIL left and I had another test. Now we are getting ready for finals time... that much closer to starting the program at TSB! WOOHOO! Oh and for those that were wondering, we sold the motorcycle.
Curtis got the job at T-Mobile!!! He got an email that basically said he would have an official offer next week because they are trying to decide which store to put him at because they have hired a bunch of new people for a bunch of stores in the area. I don't really care... when does he start? LOL We are very excited! It's about time some good luck came our way!
My chart is on crack. Not even joking... I decided to merge the 2 cycles together after I decided that weird bleeding spell was midcycle bleeding. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't but I'm still new at this. I'm optimistic for now... Merging the cycles still didn't give me CHs but based on when I'm almost 100% sure I O'd, I'm 7DPO today. I'm trying to hold out until the 25th to test... too bad my "phantom symptoms" are getting the best of me sometimes. I keep questioning every little thing based on all the BFP symptoms I've heard... I know, I know better but I can't help it. We shall see next week....
I will try to be better about updating this week...
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
We decided the end of last week to sell our motorcycle so Monday I posted it on Ebay and Craiglist and have had so many hits off CL from it (none on Ebay though). We actually spoke to a guy today that is very serious about it and wants to get together Saturday to buy it so YAY!!!! Curtis has 2 job interviews tomorrow so our fingers and toes are crossed tight for good news from at least one of them!
My FIL will be here Saturday to spend the weekend with us so that should be fun... overall this week has already been MUCH better than last so I am hopeful for a positive turnaround. Well I'm outta here for tonight... until next time
Sunday, April 5, 2009
We had a great visit with new friends that I am very grateful for. I think we have built amazing friendships this weekend and I can't wait to see where it goes. Next weekend, my FIL will be here so that should be fun. This will be his first time here and it's my birthday weekend but after next weekend, I will be ready for a quiet weekend at home (with no company). I love having people to visit but 2 weekends in a row is almost pushing it! lol
Minus the family drama, things are great with me and Curtis. I think fell in love with him all over again this weekend... he has been so sweet and helpful and just overall amazing. He does have 2 interviews this week (which I think I've already mentioned) and we are praying with everything we've got in us that at least one of them pulls through. We could definitely use some good luck and some pick-me-up... Oh and after failing miserably with our diet this last week (and especially this weekend), it's time to get back on track!! Until next time.....
Friday, April 3, 2009
I did have a meltdown this afternoon when my BFF informed me that she might be pg with #3... it just stings to hear about and I had a "Why not me?!" moment. I wish them the best and I know when it is our time, God will bless us with a baby of our own.
Curtis has 2 interviews next week; one at UPS on Tuesday and one at T-Mobile (but I don't know what day). I am keeping everything crossed and praying at least one of them turns into a new job. Speaking of jobs, I am still waiting to hear back from Einsteins... if they don't call this weekend, I will call them Monday morning.
We have company this weekend so it will be pretty busy but I'll post an update as soon as I have one! A little prayer for some good luck would be much appreciated!!!!!
Monday, March 30, 2009
In other news, my "working interview" went well last night! I was supposed to be shadowing and ended up having my own section. My trainer said I should hear from someone in a couple days about my official start date. Curtis didn't do so well on his A+ test today and I feel so bad for him! He was confident and studied his butt off but he said the test was really hard. He will just have to study more and retake it.