Friday, July 23, 2010

Getting somewhere...

Wow it has been one hell of a week!

We finally decided it's time for me to get some help with this depression and anxiety I've been battling for the last few years. It was getting out of control. The symptoms first arose when my 14 month old cousin passed away... but I found other ways to deal. Then again when my Papaw died in 2005... I dealt with alcohol and WAY to much partying. The symptoms and overall worthless feelings have come and gone over the years but I've always been able to handle it on my own, one way or another. Then came moving, stress of not having a job, my stepsons unexpectedly moving in with us (not that I don't want them, because I do LOVE having them here), but I think the icing on the cake was losing our little one... that awful m/c in April. Since then, I've had my good days and my bad days but the bad FAR outweigh the good.

I started having more bad days and it was extremely hard for me to deal with it on my own. My husband, bless his heart, has tried everything in his arsenal to make me feel better but nothing seemed to be working and we were all very thankful for the few good days that came along. But, I was beginning to take out my agression on the children (never physically), and my husband, and everyone around us for that matter. I would just snap at every little thing and be pissed off for no reason or crying. Not cool... but I didn't know how to deal with it. I felt completely out of control of my own emotions.

So, I saw my awesome doctor on Wednesday and he was very understanding and willing to help. And scolded me for waiting so long to get help. We are trying Lexapro for the next 2 weeks to see how I do with it, then I go in for a follow-up. He also gave me a script for Xanax to help ease the anxiety.

2 days on the meds and I'm already starting to feel a little better. Overall today, I was in a pretty good mood but I also feel kinda blah so we will see how the next couple weeks go. I was scared to admit I needed help and my pride wouldn't let me ask for it, until I saw what it was doing to my most intimate relationships... I couldn't let that happen.

On a positive note, Curtis was offered a job today with an awesome company, pending a drug test, physical, and background check. He should start August 2nd... the company offers Day 1 benefits, which means I will finally be able to go back to the RE and get this ball rolling... again.

Sorry this turned out so long and thanks for reading!

1 comment:

  1. I've dealt with depression for over a decade. I know how hard it is! I'm glad you finally sought help for it. Make sure your doctor knows that you are planning to TTC, as there are some medications that you shouldn't be on. Zoloft is currently the preferred drug for pregnancy. I just don't want you to have to change meds when you find out you're pregnant! Good luck! I'll be waiting for a sticky BFP post!