Thursday, March 26, 2009

So stressed

I am not going to post all the details as to not air *all* my dirty laundry on the internet but things are just not going our way lately! When it rains, it pours and, well I think the whole effing sky fell out on me today!

I have had an amazing shoulder to lean on and I thank you so much (you know who you are)! I'm sure you are getting pretty tired of listening to me bitch and moan but I'm hoping things will turn around very soon!

On another note, Curtis is doing amazing with our diet... he has already lost about 15 pounds! Me... well I'm not doing bad but the weight isn't coming off as fast for me as it is for him lol.

I'm still waiting *not so patiently* on AF. I'm sure all the stress isn't helping but she needs to come on seriously! Well I'm headed to bed for tonight... *dreams of good luck coming my way*



Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Holy crampage!

I hope this means AF is on her way! I am on day 7 of Provera and just ready to get this cycle going.

Our diet is going really well... just tweaking my diet a little. My goal is 105 pounds... 33 to go.

In other news, the job with Sprint fell through because they are closing stores... stupid economy. We were so close... now we just have to work on getting his A+ certification. There isn't much going on around here... just trying to lose some weight and keep up with school.



Monday, March 23, 2009

The Pickle Jar

A friend sent me this earlier this afternoon and after I read it, I wanted to share it the world... so you have to start somewhere right? I know it is long but please take the time to read it!


The Pickle Jar

The pickle jar, as far back as I can remember sat on the floor beside the dresser in my parents' bedroom. When he got ready for bed, dad would empty his pockets and toss his coins into the jar. As a small boy I was always fascinated at the sounds the coins made as they were dropped into the jar. They landed with a merry jingle when the jar was almost empty. Then the tones gradually muted to a dull thud as the jar was filled. I used to squat on the floor in front of the jar and admire the copper and silver circles


that glinted like a pirate's treasure when the sun poured through the bedroom window.

When the jar was filled, Dad would sit at the kitchen table and roll the coins before taking them to the bank. Taking the coins to the bank was always a big production. Stacked neatly in a small cardboard box, the coins were placed between Dad and me on the seat of his old truck. Each and every time, as we drove to the bank, Dad would look at me hopefully. "Those coins are going to keep you out of the textile mill, son. You're going to do better than me. This old mill town's not going to hold you back." Also, each and every time, as he slid the box of rolled coins across the counter at the bank toward the cashier, he would grin proudly. "These are for my son's college fund. He'll never work at the mill all his life like me."

We would always celebrate each deposit by stopping for an ice cream cone. I always got chocolate. Dad always got vanilla. When the clerk at the ice cream parlor handed Dad his change, he would show me the few coins nestled in his palm. "When we get home, we'll start filling the jar again." He always let me drop the first coins into the empty jar. As they rattled around with a brief, happy jingle, we grinned at each other. "You'll get to college on pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters," he said. "But you'll get there. I'll see to that."

The years passed, and I finished college and took a job in another town. Once, while visiting my parents, I used the phone in their bedroom, and noticed that the pickle jar was gone. It had served its purpose and had been removed. A lump rose in my throat as I stared at the spot beside the dresser where the jar had always stood. My dad was a man of few words, and never lectured me on the values of determination, perseverance, and faith. The pickle jar had taught me all these virtues far more eloquently than the most flowery of words could have done.

When I married, I told my wife Susan about the significant part the lowly pickle jar had played in my life as a boy. In my mind, it defined, more than anything else, how much my dad had loved me. No matter how rough things got at home, Dad continued to doggedly drop his coins into the jar. Even the summer when Dad got laid off from the mill, and Mama had to serve dried beans several times a week, not a single dime was taken from the jar. To the contrary, as Dad looked across the table at me, pouring catsup over my beans to make them more palatable, he became more determined than ever to make a way out for me. "When you finish college, Son," he told me, his eyes glistening, You'll never have to eat beans again...unless you want to."

The first Christmas after our daughter Jessica was born, we spent the holiday with my parents. After dinner, Mom and Dad sat next to each other on the sofa, taking turns cuddling their first grandchild. Jessica began to whimper softly, and Susan took her from Dad's arms. She probably needs to be changed," she said, carrying the baby into my parents' bedroom to diaper her.

When Susan came back into the living room, there was a strange in her eyes. She handed Jessica back to Dad before taking my hand and leading me into the room. "Look," she said softly, her eyes directing me to a spot on the floor beside the dresser. To my amazement, there, as if it had never been removed, stood the old pickle jar, the bottom already covered with coins. I walked over to the pickle jar, dug down into my pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins. With a gamut of emotions choking me, I dropped the coins into the jar. I looked up and saw that Dad, carrying Jessica, had slipped quietly into the room. Our eyes locked, and I knew he was feeling the same emotions I felt. Neither one of us could speak.

This truly touched my heart... I know it has yours as well. Sometimes we are so busy adding up our troubles that we forget to count our blessings. The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched - they must be felt with the heart

~ Helen Keller


I think I was so touched by this because my Papaw had a "pickle jar" for me when I was growing up. He wanted to make sure I was taken care of and wanted me to go to college and have a great life. Papaw will forever be my hero... he was an amazing man and I miss him more than anything!
If you made it this far, thank you for reading and I hope this story as touched you the way it did me!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Freaking out a little...

Ok so as you know I have started the Provera for the 465456th time and am having some new side effects... at least that's what I think it is. I have had INSANELY dry skin.. so bad it was keeping me up at night. My whole body itched.. I felt like a dog with fleas! It has subsided for the most part... I'm still getting random bouts of itchiness though. And then today came the nausea and it was BAD at first. I was in the shower went it hit and dry heaved but for like 5 minutes after gagging (sorry if TMI). After that, it subsided a little but have still have random bouts throughout the day. I have also had a headache for the last 2 days but I think most of it is from work!

The only side effect I have ever gotten on Provera was PMS-like symptoms (since it is used to trigger AF, that made sense). After our CP in January, I was really hesitant to start this round and these new symptoms are freaking me out a little. I took 3 HPT's before I started it and all BFN so that relaxed my nerves a little since I was on CD 65+... that's like senior citizen! LOL

Anyway.. I just wish AF would show up so I could stop obsessing!


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Provera: Day 2

SO I started Provera last night (I have to take it before bed because it makes me naseous) and have had a little cramping today. I hope AF will show soon so I can start charting again. Only a little over 10 months until we start trying again!

We haven't heard anything on the new job yet... the guy said by next week. We were just hoping sooner rather than later.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

It has been a good day!


So Curtis and I got up this morning to go turn in a couple resumes and just get out the house for a while. While we were out, we decided to stop by Sprint so he could talk to a manager (he turned in his resume last week). He went in and the guy interviewed him on the spot and said he was going to forward Curtis' resume to the HR lady and then e-mail Curtis some paperwork to fill out and then they would disucss a start date. The guy said he would have the paperwork to him by the first part of next week. He will receive a base salary, plus commission and hopefully decent benefits. This is such good news!!!


Also, I will be starting provera tonight so with any luck, AF will be where by the end of the week and I can rid myself of this stupid cycle!



Saturday, March 14, 2009

What a day!

One that I am not all that sad to see go. I woke up (late) this morning to go take a Microbiology test that I didn't study for at all so I am freaking out a little about that grade (which I won't get until AFTER Spring Break). But it's my own fault... I was lazy. On my way home from this test, I ran out of gas.. first time ever. I was in a hurry this morning so I didn't stop to get gas before my test (Curtis was supposed to put gas in the car yesterday) and I was planning to stop on my way home from the test to get gas but I didn't make it. Well just before I ran out of gas, I discovered Curtis' phone was in the car with me but thanks to modern technology and some really great friends, I was able to get a hold of him to bring me some gas. Oh it gets better! Once I got a hold of him, we discovered that his truck keys were also in my car (I'm not sure where is brain was last night). So, he had to ride the bike, in the rain and cold to come get the truck keys from me. Then, come back home to get the truck and the gas can and come back to me. This long process took about an hour... keep in mind I was sitting in the car on the freeway (well the shoulder) the whole time. Getting gas would've taken 5 minutes... I won't make that mistake again! I am usually so anal about making sure my car has gas in it... apparently not today!

I did have some AF type cramping today so I am hoping, just maybe, I will start on my own! If I do, it will be the first time in over a year that I have had a period without Provera... here's hoping!

I am still working Project No Smoking... still not completely done but getting there. I have had 4 today.